Ever since the NFC Championship Game, I have been unable to channel my attention to anything other than the Super Bowl for more than about 3 minutes at a time. I set a record this morning though, I managed to slog away at an appraisal for a whole 8 minutes before I got caught up in the firestorm that is the Finley tweet regarding the team photo scheduling in Dallas, which I proceeded to get sucked into for a good hour.
I think ESPN, Fox Sports, and the Press Gazette have done a pretty good job so far providing content every hour on the hour for a game that is still 9 days away so I think it’s up to me to provide some insight into the lighter side of Super Bowl coverage, in numerical order for your reading pleasure.
1.) I think it is fine when the local DJ’s superimpose Packer radio highlights onto existing songs but I am just not a real big fan of dedicated Packer novelty songs. To me, they are just an insult to Robert Brooks, who perfected the Packer novelty song in 1996, thus rendering all future Packer novelty songs obsolete. Why eat hamburger, when you can eat steak?
2.) I think the same could be said about Reggie’s Prayer, the 1996 (what a time to be alive!) hit film starring Reggie White, MC Hammer, and Mr. Miagi. Why does Hollywood continue to make movies when they already have this:
As scary as this sounds,this is only the SECOND greatest acting performance in Brett Favre's film career.
3.) I just posted this clip on my Facebook profile but I think it is worth repeating. Look closely for the smoke bomb used to make the scene look more like 14th century England and less like a shitty park in some suburb in America.
4.) I’ve made my first step towards a chronic gambling addiction by signing up with one of those overseas betting web sites. I did for the sole purpose of making a proposition bet that B.J. Raji will score in some capacity during the Super Bowl. Maybe another pick-6, maybe he’ll get a TD as a fullback, hell maybe they’ll throw him in as a kicker, I don’t know, but the fact that he will score is a LOCK, a LOCK I tell ya.
5.) Let’s hope Mike McCarthy doesn’t adopt a Homer Simpson style of playbook strategy and roster management. If I see Jordy Nelson run a play where he spins around in a circle and falls to the ground, I’m going to punch someone in the face.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Distracted in Appleton
I know most of you are dying to know how fast I ran the 2011 Perkinstown 3-Mile Snowshoe Race last Saturday and the answer to that question is BLAZINGLY. I left behind a trail of puddles as I cruised through the Chequamegon National Forest knocking over small children, elderly citizens, handicapped people, people, people that are my girlfriend, orphaned children, and anyone else that got in the way between me and my 37:17 finishing time.
I finished 48th out of 185 in the men’s division and 9th in my age bracket, but I am pretty sure that the 47 dudes in front of me cheated. In fact, I’m positive they did.
Jess was right behind me but she lost some minutes due to some impromptu text messaging on the course. She loves that blackberry. She really does.
I don’t know what was so important that she needed her phone during the race but one thing is for certain, if she got a text, her reaction was “OH…..MY GOD”. The “OH…..M Y GOD” response gets used quite liberally with Jess. Whether finding out that her mom won the Powerball or if she just found out her friend Staci ate a turkey sandwich for lunch, you can bet Jess will be calling out to that Big Guy in the Sky about such a monumental turn of events. It’s pretty cute, actually.
Not to change the subject, but every morning this week, when the alarm clock went off, I instinctively banged that snooze button, crashed back on my pillow, stared blankly at the ceiling, and had the following inner monologue:
Packers…..Packers…...Bears…..Packers…….Bears…..Bears?.... Packers!..... Clay Matthews……Packers…...
This would continue for three or four more snoozes before I was forced to get up and drive to Appleton and pretend to give a shit about work.
I think the Bureau of Labor Statistics should have done a productivity study in the State of Wisconsin this week. I would have liked to know how exactly we were all collectively distracted from our tasks at hand in an objective measure. Im sure it would have been record breaking.
Especially, last Tuesday at 2:00 when Ticketmaster.com started selling tickets for the NFC Championship Game for a 60 second window at face value. I didn't know they sold out so quickly, I was on that piece of shit website for what seemed like forever. I was on there so long, that I started to become fluent in that gibberish language you needed to type to verify you weren't a spammer. But after about 45 minutes I was like "Flugg this schlipt, I'm getting the fundarck out of pheere" and I walked away empty handed. No big loss, who wants to watch the big game surrounded by a bunch of FIBS anyways.
Stay warm today everybody, it is colder than a biscuit out there. Go Pack!
I finished 48th out of 185 in the men’s division and 9th in my age bracket, but I am pretty sure that the 47 dudes in front of me cheated. In fact, I’m positive they did.
Jess was right behind me but she lost some minutes due to some impromptu text messaging on the course. She loves that blackberry. She really does.
I don’t know what was so important that she needed her phone during the race but one thing is for certain, if she got a text, her reaction was “OH…..MY GOD”. The “OH…..M Y GOD” response gets used quite liberally with Jess. Whether finding out that her mom won the Powerball or if she just found out her friend Staci ate a turkey sandwich for lunch, you can bet Jess will be calling out to that Big Guy in the Sky about such a monumental turn of events. It’s pretty cute, actually.
Not to change the subject, but every morning this week, when the alarm clock went off, I instinctively banged that snooze button, crashed back on my pillow, stared blankly at the ceiling, and had the following inner monologue:
Packers…..Packers…...Bears…..Packers…….Bears…..Bears?.... Packers!..... Clay Matthews……Packers…...
This would continue for three or four more snoozes before I was forced to get up and drive to Appleton and pretend to give a shit about work.
I think the Bureau of Labor Statistics should have done a productivity study in the State of Wisconsin this week. I would have liked to know how exactly we were all collectively distracted from our tasks at hand in an objective measure. Im sure it would have been record breaking.
Especially, last Tuesday at 2:00 when Ticketmaster.com started selling tickets for the NFC Championship Game for a 60 second window at face value. I didn't know they sold out so quickly, I was on that piece of shit website for what seemed like forever. I was on there so long, that I started to become fluent in that gibberish language you needed to type to verify you weren't a spammer. But after about 45 minutes I was like "Flugg this schlipt, I'm getting the fundarck out of pheere" and I walked away empty handed. No big loss, who wants to watch the big game surrounded by a bunch of FIBS anyways.
Stay warm today everybody, it is colder than a biscuit out there. Go Pack!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Hotel California, Packers, New Years, Rotten Lettuce Farts, and Wollining
Man, I got a lot on my mind right now.
I am slogging away on this appraisal right now and Hotel California just popped on WAPL. I got excited, not because I like the song, but because once it is over, it will mark the longest time possible before more Hotel California gets aired again. Hotel California is probably my least favorite classic rock song of all time. To quote his Dudeness from Big Lebowski…ahhh man, I hate the fucking Eagles. It just ended and now I can go back to work, knowing that Hotel California will not be playing again for the rest of the afternoon. Bonus that it is not double play Tuesday so I will not have to be subjected to another horrible Eagles song.
Second, how about dem Packers, eh? I could not be more excited about that game yesterday, I’m still smiling from that pick by Williams to end the game. I still can’t believe the always reliable David “Always Make ‘ers” Akers dropped not one but TWO field goals. We can finally receive some vindication from the 4th and 26 debacle back in 2003. Now we just need to bring the pain (and the stick ‘em for Jones) to Altanta. Saturday can’t come soon enough.
Third, my new years resolution to play more video games this year is going pretty good so far. I’ve really fell behind at work over the holidays and probably should be working some late nights coming up but that will not stop me from logging in some hours with the Playstation 1 tonight. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately, my other new years resolution to spend more time at Cropsey’s is going dismally. I haven’t played numbers in almost a month and don’t even get me started on the zero dollars I spent gambling on bowl games. Get your head out of your ass, Benji.
Fourth, I’ve also started a new diet and workout regime because I’m going on a cruise with my family pretty soon and I don’t want to scare the fine vacationers on Carnival when I take my shirt off outdoors for the first time in 2011. The diet is going really well so far, I’ve been farting more frequently and when I do fart, it smells like rotten lettuce. If that is not a good sign, I don’t know what is.
Fifth, I invented a new word. It's a verb. The verb is to Wollin and the action is to take an hour to seal plastic wrap over a window to prevent drafts and then get everything just about complete and then touch the hair dryer to the plastic wrap so it makes a huge hole and you have to start all over again. Here's a sentence example: "Yeah I really Wollined the shit out of my family room window this weekend, it totally sucked." Feel free to get that one going.
Well that’s about all I got right now. Sorry for not blogging in so long, I was sort of swamped over the holidays but I have a big snowshoe race coming up this weekend that I will be sure to fill you in on.
I am slogging away on this appraisal right now and Hotel California just popped on WAPL. I got excited, not because I like the song, but because once it is over, it will mark the longest time possible before more Hotel California gets aired again. Hotel California is probably my least favorite classic rock song of all time. To quote his Dudeness from Big Lebowski…ahhh man, I hate the fucking Eagles. It just ended and now I can go back to work, knowing that Hotel California will not be playing again for the rest of the afternoon. Bonus that it is not double play Tuesday so I will not have to be subjected to another horrible Eagles song.
Second, how about dem Packers, eh? I could not be more excited about that game yesterday, I’m still smiling from that pick by Williams to end the game. I still can’t believe the always reliable David “Always Make ‘ers” Akers dropped not one but TWO field goals. We can finally receive some vindication from the 4th and 26 debacle back in 2003. Now we just need to bring the pain (and the stick ‘em for Jones) to Altanta. Saturday can’t come soon enough.
Third, my new years resolution to play more video games this year is going pretty good so far. I’ve really fell behind at work over the holidays and probably should be working some late nights coming up but that will not stop me from logging in some hours with the Playstation 1 tonight. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately, my other new years resolution to spend more time at Cropsey’s is going dismally. I haven’t played numbers in almost a month and don’t even get me started on the zero dollars I spent gambling on bowl games. Get your head out of your ass, Benji.
Fourth, I’ve also started a new diet and workout regime because I’m going on a cruise with my family pretty soon and I don’t want to scare the fine vacationers on Carnival when I take my shirt off outdoors for the first time in 2011. The diet is going really well so far, I’ve been farting more frequently and when I do fart, it smells like rotten lettuce. If that is not a good sign, I don’t know what is.
Fifth, I invented a new word. It's a verb. The verb is to Wollin and the action is to take an hour to seal plastic wrap over a window to prevent drafts and then get everything just about complete and then touch the hair dryer to the plastic wrap so it makes a huge hole and you have to start all over again. Here's a sentence example: "Yeah I really Wollined the shit out of my family room window this weekend, it totally sucked." Feel free to get that one going.
Well that’s about all I got right now. Sorry for not blogging in so long, I was sort of swamped over the holidays but I have a big snowshoe race coming up this weekend that I will be sure to fill you in on.
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