I was digging through my junk drawer the other day and stumbled upon a voice recorder that I bought about four years ago. This is especially poignant since Norm MacDonald, the inventor of the note-to-self bit…classic, recently started hosting a new show on Comedy Central.
Which is great by the way, any show that utilizes the throwaway line, “Ping Pong is the only sport named after its inventor”, is aces with me.
Anyways, I remember purchasing this voice recorder years back because I was always coming up with hilarious blog topics and jokes in the most inopportune places and I needed a system to keep track of them all. But like everything else I embark on, it seems sweet and life-changing at first but then I revert back to my old ways because…well…eh.
So I started going through my old recordings. The very first recording was “Extra! Extra! Joe Smells!”, which is strange because I bought the device to record new information. I already knew that.
The next three recordings were ideas I had about a potential Brett Favre retirement sympathy card idea. WHICH WOULD HAVE WORKED. That idea was worth tens possibly hundreds of dollars. I had this brilliant scheme to come up with a line of sympathy cards to express your condolences to fellow Packer fans when Brett Favre inevitably retired back in 2008. Hindsight is 20/20, my friends.
Go back to early 2008 and that’s still a good idea. The problem was my creative copy. My third recording was “Sorry for your loss, he will be four-ever in our hearts”. Uh, terrible. I sounded really smug on the recording too, like I was the first person to ever use four-ever in some capacity. I’m embarrassed for myself.
On a side note, I did perfect that card eventually. The card cover: a guy wearing a Brett Favre jersey sitting on a card table chair in the middle of his garage, his head buried in his lap in frustration, a dozen crushed Miller High-Life cans strewn about his feet. The card inside: blank.
The front cover says it all. Simple. Perfect. Admit it, you would have bought that for your dad or uncle or buddy if Favre retired when he should have. And I could be on a beach somewhere with my big payday. Ashwaubemay beach most likely, but still, the beach.
I had two other recordings for blog ideas that I actually followed through with so I guess the recorder paid off. The last recording was “email Grandma”. That reminds me, I should probably email my Grandma.
I think I’m going to start using the recorder again. I still come up with great ideas all the time, maybe this time around I’ll consistently follow up with them.
I already recorded a new idea today. Maybe I’ll follow up with it soon. Or maybe four years from now. I hope “Dave Weisnicht + Mike Hubert = Tosh.0” is still relevant in 2015.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Holy Shit I’m Engaged To Jessica MacGregor!
Wait!? What!?
This isn’t Wednesday at noon. This is not a drill. Yup. You heard right. I’m engaged to the very lovely and beautiful Jessica MacGregor.
If you think about it, this really shouldn’t be a surprise. I’ve always been attracted to really cute little brunettes. That went to Ashwaubenon High School. That were in my grade. Named Jessica. What can I say, I have a type.
I’m really excited about it. Jess is too. Surprisingly, buying the ring was one of the easiest decisions I ever made. I’m the type of person that normally gets buyer’s remorse from buying a pack of gum but this was a no-brainer. I didn’t even have to administer the dutch oven method, that’s how confident I was.
I’m kidding, I had a 99 cent Swanson microwave enchilada dinner waiting for me in the freezer just in case she hesitated. I’ve been told that being waterboarded is preferable to hanging out with me after eating one of those bad boys. Trapped under the covers, I imagine she would have agreed to marry me plus called permanent chore duty forever. But that’s not what this is about.
My proposal was pretty simple. I surprised her when she came home from North Dakota this weekend. I bought some roses, lit some candles, took a shower, it was all very quaint and romantic. I was thrilled when she said yes.
I considered proposing to her via the blog but that’s almost TOO romantic. I need to save some of that heat for the Honeymoon.
So now we have some serious planning for next summer but it’s all very exciting. More to come as Jess and I take the plunge together. Wish us luck!
This isn’t Wednesday at noon. This is not a drill. Yup. You heard right. I’m engaged to the very lovely and beautiful Jessica MacGregor.
If you think about it, this really shouldn’t be a surprise. I’ve always been attracted to really cute little brunettes. That went to Ashwaubenon High School. That were in my grade. Named Jessica. What can I say, I have a type.
I’m really excited about it. Jess is too. Surprisingly, buying the ring was one of the easiest decisions I ever made. I’m the type of person that normally gets buyer’s remorse from buying a pack of gum but this was a no-brainer. I didn’t even have to administer the dutch oven method, that’s how confident I was.
I’m kidding, I had a 99 cent Swanson microwave enchilada dinner waiting for me in the freezer just in case she hesitated. I’ve been told that being waterboarded is preferable to hanging out with me after eating one of those bad boys. Trapped under the covers, I imagine she would have agreed to marry me plus called permanent chore duty forever. But that’s not what this is about.
My proposal was pretty simple. I surprised her when she came home from North Dakota this weekend. I bought some roses, lit some candles, took a shower, it was all very quaint and romantic. I was thrilled when she said yes.
I considered proposing to her via the blog but that’s almost TOO romantic. I need to save some of that heat for the Honeymoon.
So now we have some serious planning for next summer but it’s all very exciting. More to come as Jess and I take the plunge together. Wish us luck!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Dr. Mario and America
When Jess moved in with me, she also brought a Wii with her, which was admittedly a huge selling point for me. She’s the best and I love her and everything but…you know…free Wii.
I was recently dabbling with the shop channel the other day and discovered a new wi-fi version of Dr. Mario. Best 10 bucks I ever spent. Usually, when I’m bored, I’ll crank out a post here on Brain Litter or find another way to contribute to society, but lately, I’ve just been killing viruses blue, red, and yellow style.
Since I’m playing human opponents online, that usually involves killing viruses at a slower rate than some Chinese guy named insert wacky Chinese letters here. Yep, that’s a new stereotype and you heard it here first: Chinese people are awesome at Dr. Mario.
Despite amassing heavy losses to our Asian friends, I have yet to kick this crippling addiction, and that is despite the fact that the version is flawed and could be better.
I can tell you at least five things that are wrong with the “new and improved” Dr. Mario on Wii which is also an explanation for what’s wrong with America today.
1.) Your online profile only keeps track of wins, not losses. Our generation was raised to think that we would all be winners, that’s why we all got trophies for playing soccer just for showing up. But you can’t have winners without losers. Losing is a part of life, it builds character. This coddling nonsense has to stop.
2.) Not only does it not keep track of losses, but the win counts stops at 9,999. Didn’t we learn this lesson from the millennium bug? What a total lack of foresight.
3.) Instead of pressing down to speed up the virus killing process you can now also press up to have the pill instantly drop to the bottom. Are we so impatient and is our time so valuable because we’re sitting around playing Dr. Mario that we can’t wait an extra .5 seconds for the pill to drop regularly. Patience is a virtue.
4.) They added a feature where the pill shows up semi-transparent at the bottom of the screen based on its current trajectory. Thanks Shigeru Miyamoto, I already love having my hand held like a big baby for not showing my losses.
5.) Velco Fly by ZZ Top is still not a selectable song to pick besides Fever and Chill. Unbelievable.
But like I said, it’s still Dr. Mario so it still kicks ass. I can still beat the butts off most Americans and Europeans as well. If you get this version and are up against Ben Dude, be afraid, be very afraid.
I was recently dabbling with the shop channel the other day and discovered a new wi-fi version of Dr. Mario. Best 10 bucks I ever spent. Usually, when I’m bored, I’ll crank out a post here on Brain Litter or find another way to contribute to society, but lately, I’ve just been killing viruses blue, red, and yellow style.
Since I’m playing human opponents online, that usually involves killing viruses at a slower rate than some Chinese guy named insert wacky Chinese letters here. Yep, that’s a new stereotype and you heard it here first: Chinese people are awesome at Dr. Mario.
Despite amassing heavy losses to our Asian friends, I have yet to kick this crippling addiction, and that is despite the fact that the version is flawed and could be better.
I can tell you at least five things that are wrong with the “new and improved” Dr. Mario on Wii which is also an explanation for what’s wrong with America today.
1.) Your online profile only keeps track of wins, not losses. Our generation was raised to think that we would all be winners, that’s why we all got trophies for playing soccer just for showing up. But you can’t have winners without losers. Losing is a part of life, it builds character. This coddling nonsense has to stop.
2.) Not only does it not keep track of losses, but the win counts stops at 9,999. Didn’t we learn this lesson from the millennium bug? What a total lack of foresight.
3.) Instead of pressing down to speed up the virus killing process you can now also press up to have the pill instantly drop to the bottom. Are we so impatient and is our time so valuable because we’re sitting around playing Dr. Mario that we can’t wait an extra .5 seconds for the pill to drop regularly. Patience is a virtue.
4.) They added a feature where the pill shows up semi-transparent at the bottom of the screen based on its current trajectory. Thanks Shigeru Miyamoto, I already love having my hand held like a big baby for not showing my losses.
5.) Velco Fly by ZZ Top is still not a selectable song to pick besides Fever and Chill. Unbelievable.
But like I said, it’s still Dr. Mario so it still kicks ass. I can still beat the butts off most Americans and Europeans as well. If you get this version and are up against Ben Dude, be afraid, be very afraid.
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