I Love The Half Price Card Store

Today I made my annual trek to the half price greeting card store on Hansen Street.  Unfortunately my bid to get Jess to go along with Test Number 1 was unsuccessful. 

Which is fine, I really didn’t think that plan through.  Oh man!  I was so young and naïve back in 2005!  Who knew I would become the grizzled wise man that I am today.

The whole point of that exercise was to never have to scramble to find a greeting card again but then I would have to offer a thousand bucks to my immediate family as well and that is just too cost prohibitive.

So what I do now is, once a year, I go to the half price card store and buy all my cards for the entire year.   Believe or not I still actually care what the card says, I don’t just take the cheapest ones and call it a day.  I was there for almost 30 minutes, which is an excruciatingly long time to shop for such things.  

There were a lot of duds to sift through.  But if you look hard enough you can find $4.00 or maybe even $4.50 sentimental dollar value for two bucks or less.   Don’t expect $5.00 sentimental dollar value though, it ain’t a Hallmark store.

I dump all these cards on the counter and the check out lady rings them up one by one.  The total was $54.  I’m thinking to myself, “holy shit, what a waste of money!” But then I forgot they take the discount off at the end so the total was $27.  I thought to myself, ”holy shit, what a waste of money!”  But still.  27 bucks.  That’s nothing to scoff at.

I had a hard time keeping a straight face when the checkout lady asked me if I came to the store often.  She wanted to give me a frequent shopper card.  I just bought a birthday card for my wife, for my mom, for my dad, for my brother, for my grandma, an anniversary card for my wife, and anniversary card for my parents, a Father’s Day card, a MOTHER’S DAY CARD, six money holder wedding cards, a stack of thank you cards, and what the hell, a baptism card because ya just never know when you are going to get invited to a last minute baptism party.

“Ummmmm.  I come here about once a year”.

I still took the frequent shopper card.  After my shopping trek next year, the punch card should be filled out so the year after that, I’ll get an additional 15% off.  So I got that going for me and son of a bitch I just realized I forgot to get a Valentines Day card and now I’m going to have to go back sometime between now and February well that’s just great.  Bring a checklist, fellas.

Another downfall of this strategy is that you will inevitably end up grabbing the wrong envelope for at least one card.  If you ever get a greeting card from me and the envelop is like twice the size of the card and the card is just jostling around in there, now you know.  This is a best case scenario.  Things get ugly fast when the envelope is too small.

Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA MY LOVELY WIFE!  I hope you like your birthday card this year;)

You Want Bloody Nipples? You Got Bloody Nipples!

I’m sorry.  I used that attention-grabbing headliner under false pretenses.  I can only offer you one measly bloody nipple. 

This particular bloody nipple belongs to my brother, Joey Wollin.  He completed the Green Bay Marathon on Sunday along with his gf, Corey.  Jess completed it too.  Here she is at mile 26, barely breaking a sweat and having the time of her life apparently.

I’m kidding, she was actually quite delusional at this point.  She has no recollection of seeing me here when I took this photo even though I was like 5 feet from her and I was cheering for her and she looked at me.  No memory though, she says.  I believe it, running that far and long does weird things to your body and mind.

I did not complete the marathon.   I had to drop out around mile 15 because of aching knee pains, which I later found out was a flared IT band.  It’s my own fault.  I ran too fast in the beginning of the course and did not keep up my normal pace.

The problem is that I see these 95-year old dudes just cruising through the course and then I have to pass them.  There’s no way I’m going to let Blue beat me to the finish.   But then I over exert myself and I paid the price for it.  Plus bad genes.  I’m going to blame them too.

So I had to take the walk of shame back to Lambeau where the finish line was located.  Well, since guys don’t have a walk of shame (walk of fame, what what!) I can only imagine that is what a walk of shame feels like.  It stinks.

I probably could have limped in the rest of way but I basically did that last year and I didn’t want to jeopardize the 2013 kickball season.   We’ve got a title to reclaim.

Even though I finished the GB marathon last year, I really wanted it to be official this year and get a recorded time.  This was going to be my last race and then I was going to put this horse out to stud.  But now I have to run another one of these stupid things.  Oh well.

I’ve got to do some foam roller stretches now.  Those are fun.  Somebody get Steven Spielberg on the phone, I’ve got an idea for Zero Dark Thirty 2. 

Working From Home Is Not A Drag

So I’m working from home now. I was working at Cellcom as a desk jockey for the past couple of years but now I’m a freelance desk jockey working out of one of our extra bedrooms doing appraisal work.

Working from home is a lot like being unemployed with one major difference. When I was unemployed, I wore sweat pants every day. When working from home, I wear sweat pants every day!

It’s been about six weeks now and the novelty is starting to wear off a little. I need a means to get out and start connecting with the world again. Ya know. Because of the soul crushing loneliness of working from home all day. My solution is to start writing again for Brain Litter. From my computer at home. Me smart.

I’m kidding. Working from home kicks ass. Although I do find myself uttering “SHIT YEAH! THE MAIL IS HERE!” more often and more excitedly than I care for, the benefits still outweigh the costs. Like no-shirt lunch breaks outside on the patio. That’s fun. Being over 30 years old and experimenting with facial hair. Super fun. Don’t get me started on taking work breaks to do laundry, mow the lawn, etc. You can get that crap done during the week and then not have crap to do, EVERY WEEKEND.

But working at home has shifted some of my priorities. For instance, before the job change, my two best friends were Ding and Joe. Now it’s a three-way friendship toss up between the dog, the cat, and the neighbor kid, Easton. Cheese is the most loyal but Skits is more talkative throughout the day. Easton wins points because he has a Power Wheels and Power Wheels are awesome. I could debate this all day.

Oh crap, I forgot, Jess is my best friend now because we’re married and stuff. I’m supposed to say that, right? Sorry babes, I meant you are my best friend. Forget that last paragraph. Let’s get some Power Wheels though.

Ok I’ve got to get back to the grind. I’ve got a strict regime to adhere to. One hour of work. One hour of Netflix. Repeat.