Thursday, September 12, 2013

Ladies: We’d like our Dick Pic software back, please

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One day, a brain trust in Silicon Valley decided to tackle an age-old dilemma.  I love dropping trou and showing off my dong but I hate getting in trouble for it.  Help me!

And thus the Snap Chat app was born.  For those in the dark, Snap Chat is an app that allows you to take a Dick Pic via their proprietary software and then send it to your target in the form of a picture text message.  The beauty of it is that within 5 seconds of viewing the Dick Pic, it disappears from both phones forever and it disables both phones so you can’t take screen shots even if the target wanted to keep it and stare at it for hours which is presumably what 99% of people are apt to do.

However, there’s always that crazy 1% that submit their Dick Pics to the police and various news outlets and cause all kinds of trouble. 

“Where was this technology five years ago?!?!” exclaimed Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner at the same time.

Five years too late, sorry fellas.  We feel for ya.   History is full of lovable characters that loved to show off their package.   Jim Morrison was famously arrested in Florida for giving the audience a full showing of the goods.  Don’t get me started on Tommy Lee.  Some men just have to share their most prized possession with the world and nothing will stop them.

Fun Fact:  Lyndon B. Johnson famously whipped out his unit all the time in front of his congressional staff.   Probably because it was hilarious but mostly just ‘cuz.  He never got in trouble for it though.  Historians were more hung up on that Vietnam thing.  

I’m reading a 5-part book series on LBJ.  I’m on book 3 and this is my biggest takeaway so far.  How’s that for a humblebrag?  I have many leather-bound books.

Anyways, just when things were going great for Dick Pic-ers everywhere, the girls had to ruin everything by hijacking our software and using it for dubious purposes.  Selfies, meals, cats…these are all flagrant violations of Snap Chat’s original mission.

So stop it, ladies, just stop it.  We want our software back. 

Unless it’s for the boobs or butt game.  That game is legit.  

The only downside to Snap Chat?  No more hilarious Halloween costumes.