One day, a brain trust in Silicon Valley decided to tackle
an age-old dilemma. I love
dropping trou and showing off my dong but I hate getting in trouble for
it. Help me!
And thus the Snap Chat app was born. For those in the dark, Snap Chat is an
app that allows you to take a Dick Pic via their proprietary software and then
send it to your target in the form of a picture text message. The beauty of it is that within 5
seconds of viewing the Dick Pic, it disappears from both phones forever and it
disables both phones so you can’t take screen shots even if the target wanted
to keep it and stare at it for hours which is presumably what 99% of people are
apt to do.
However, there’s always that crazy 1% that submit their Dick
Pics to the police and various news outlets and cause all kinds of
trouble.
“Where was this technology five years ago?!?!” exclaimed
Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner at the same time.
Five years too late, sorry fellas. We feel for ya.
History is full of lovable characters that loved to show off their
package. Jim Morrison was
famously arrested in Florida for giving the audience a full showing of the
goods. Don’t get me started on
Tommy Lee. Some men just have to
share their most prized possession with the world and nothing will stop them.
Fun Fact:
Lyndon B. Johnson famously whipped out his unit all the time in front of
his congressional staff.
Probably because it was hilarious but mostly just ‘cuz. He never got in trouble for it though. Historians were more hung up on that
Vietnam thing.
I’m reading a 5-part book series on LBJ. I’m on book 3 and this is my biggest
takeaway so far. How’s that for a
humblebrag? I have many
leather-bound books.
Anyways, just when things were going great for Dick Pic-ers
everywhere, the girls had to ruin everything by hijacking our software and
using it for dubious purposes.
Selfies, meals, cats…these are all flagrant violations of Snap Chat’s
original mission.
So stop it, ladies, just stop it. We want our software back.
Unless it’s for the boobs or butt game. That game is legit.
The only downside to Snap Chat? No more hilarious Halloween costumes.
