Yes, the rumors are true, I knocked Jess up and she is
carrying twins. The news came
about a month ago when we went into our first ultrasound. When I saw those two goofballs on the
screen, I immediately turned to Jess and asked if we could name them Tango and Cash. She said no. I said let’s think about it.
Hearing you are going to be bringing two kids into the world
at once is kind of scary. When the
doctor asked if we had questions, a million of them came pouring out all at
once. Do we get a discount on our
medical bill from economies of scale?
But you’re already standing there, how much more expensive could it be
to deliver the second one? What if
I watch you the deliver kid number one, and then I get in there and deliver kid
number two, that could save a few bucks, right? What do you think of the names Tango and Cash?
The doctor was not very helpful. Totally unwilling to negotiate. Unbelievable.
Jess says she was not surprised when she heard the news because
twins run in her family. Her aunt
and uncle are fraternal twins. I
told her I wasn’t surprised either because I am ridiculously fertile. I’d watch out ladies, it’s not a
superpower I can control either.
Best to avoid me all together lest we accidently make eye contact walking
down the street and you end up with spontaneous triplets or something. It could happen, I feel I am getting
more potent by the day.
Jess claims she is doing all the heavy lifting but let’s not
kid ourselves. She had to produce
TWO things to make this all happen, I had to produce ONE HUNDRED MILLION
precisely fired things to make this all happen. 100,000,000 > 2.
It takes a lot of energy to make a million of anything let alone one
hundred million. It’s a big
ass number. Sorry, Babes.
To get into the spirit of things I’m going to watch that
comedy from the 80’s with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito over Christmas
break. I forget the name of
it. I’m pretty sure it was called
The Comically Different Brothers From A Physicality Standpoint Who Go On A Caper. That sounds right.
Actually any comedy will do right now. Horror and suspense movies just haven’t
been doing it for me lately. I
figure if I feel the need to be scared, I’ll just review my calculations on how
much college will cost in 2032.
And then double it. The Conjuring ain’t got nothin’ on that.
But seriously, we are very very excited about this news and
can’t wait for June of next year.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
