The Legend of Chinese Legos

Have you seen those ads on Facebook for steeply discounted Lego sets from China?

Let me back up for a second.  As many of you know, I am an AFOL person and I am not ashamed to admit it.  I can’t think of a better way to kill an afternoon in mid-February than to throw on some sweat pants, binge on a The Office marathon on Netflix, and get my Lego on.  Total stress reliever.

I prefer the Technics, they are little marvels of engineering.  Technics hold their value, I can play with them with my kids when they get older, I can….you know what?  My affinity for Legos is not on trial here.  Let’s get to the point.

Legos are expensive AF.

I buy a big kit about once every two years as it hard to justify that expense on a regular basis.  They run from $150 to $300 per kit.  It sucks.

So of course my interest was piqued when I saw an ad on Facebook come up for 80% discounted Legos from China.  I viewed it, knew it was a rip off, and went about my business.

But the ads kept popping up. I couldn’t ignore them. I followed some of the comment threads and there was some guy that apparently worked for Lego that said it was a big scam.  But that’s EXACTLY what a Lego employee would WANT you to think.

Then I remembered that Jermichael Finley jersey I illegally got from China like 7 years ago and that worked out okay.  I mean, it has a few loose threads and the embroidery is slightly crooked but it is basically still intact.

I decided it was worth taking a flyer on knowing full well that it was too good to be true.  I ordered this crane.

 

It’s cool, right?  It has 4,057 pieces and retails for $299 on Lego.com.  The good folks at tastecakeis.com were willing to sell it for $60.  It was a no brainer.

Jess asked me why I didn’t buy a cheaper kit as a test case, that way it wouldn’t hurt so bad when I inevitably got screwed.

Go Big or Go Home I said with supreme confidence as I entered my credit card information on the tastecakeis.com payment page.

I’m not a total idiot.  I used my Cabela’s credit card, which I only signed up for to get a free $25 credit and I haven’t used the card since.  If I had to cancel the card, it would be no big deal. 

I put the order in Sept 1 and held my breath. I got an emailed invoice for $72.00 to include shipping and handling.  OK reasonable enough so far. 

Two days later my credit card was billed $79.48 from MAS*SHOESHOP SHANGHAI CN.   

That seemed ominous. But I was not deterred.  I checked my balance every day to make sure there were no additional fraudulent charges. 

Today, Sept 17^th, I get a package in the mail direct from Sichuan China.  It’s this thing:

Speechless. I mean I was happy I actually got Legos and that my bank account was not emptied by out hackers.  But I was also sad that I did not get my crane.

I opened the box to inspect the contents.  All 46 pieces. They looked like Legos and felt like Legos but, Brother, they ain’t Legos! 

When I opened the bag inside the box, I got a whiff of illegal chemicals that are only allowed in Not America. You could really smell the cancer. The pieces felt chintzy.  I tested them to see if they would connect to a Lego proper, and they do.  But I am really uncomfortable co-mingling these Chinese knockoffs with the general population. Too risky.

In a way though, this kit is sort of perfect.  I will keep this little fireman on my desk as a reminder of the dumpster fire of an idea it was to buy illegal Legos off the internet in the first place.  The next time I want to buy magic beans or whatever from Facebook, I will look to the fireman to keep my hubris in check.

I think the lesson to be learned here is that there are no short cuts in life. You get what you pay for so if you want the best quality and the best stuff, only hard work and honest payment can get you that. Also, I think we can all agree that the Internet is the worst thing to happen to everyone, ever.