Penn State, You Broke My Heart

A funny thing happened to me while I was writing that post about the French chick. All those thoughts and feelings I conjured up to write that memoir made me think of the other girl I met on that Paris trip. If you don’t remember, it was the girl that lost the opportunity to date me because of my faulty cell phone plan. Going forward, we’ll refer to this girl as Penn State because that’s how I remember her even though she really went to some small school in Pennsylvania that I’ve never heard of before.

Anyways, Penn State facebooked me (I absolutely loathe that verb, but goddamn if it doesn’t explain all) when we got home from France and she’s been one of the hundreds of my closest friends ever since. I haven’t communicated with her since our minor falling out, so I had the bright idea of rekindling the flame by leaving an insanely clever piece of wit on her facebook wall. After all, there’s no time like the random. To my dismay, she was gone from my list.

Penn State dropped me as her facebook friend!

Can you believe the nerve of this girl? Talk about the ultimate insult. This feels worse than the time my shitty roommate stole this girl I was seeing away from me while we were on Spring Break a few years back. That happenstance felt like puppy dogs and ice cream compared to this incident.

I just wish there some kind of warning. Or at the very least, a notification so you can reflect on why you were so lame. I can already see my inbox: You have a message from Penn State. She would like to sever all ties with you and completely disavow your entire existence. Do you accept? Yes or No.

Hell NO! Penn State, we’ve been through some rough patches before but I know in my heart we can make it though this mess. It was all my fault that I was too cheap to call you on my own shitty phone. But I’m a changed man. I have nationwide calling now. Just give me another chance! We can make it, baby! We can make it!

Something tells me I’ll never hear from my miscellaneous friend again. Call it a hunch.

But it does raise a very interesting question: Will breaking up with somebody ever be acceptable via facebook? Can ending a meaningful relationship be as simple as delisting that person from relationship status?

I guess, I’m cool with that, I only pray that I don’t ever get dumped by someone leaving a message on my wall. That would only force me to retaliate by forming some kind of club against her…