Axl Rose is a Wiener

Let me be the first one to say it. I was getting ready to do some serious rocking out in the good land of Milwaukee last Wednesday, but a certain Guns N’ Roses concert was CANCELLED because said singer mentioned above was sick.

Now I can understand if he came down with something serious and needed an immediate cure like, say, a gun shot wound, but it wasn’t anything close. It was an EAR INFECTION!

"Hey Axl, my two-year old cousin called; he wants his affliction back."

But seriously, can you imagine the disappointment at the Bradley center on Wednesday night?

“Attention Metalheads, there will be no rocking out this evening; Mr. Rose is suffering from a slight ringing in his ears. You can all go back to your parent’s basement now and reminisce of what might have been. Good night.”

C’Mon! What would the world be like today if Led Zeppelin stopped touring because Robert Plant and Jimmy Paige came down with the sniffles. Or how successful do you think Woodstock would have been if Jimi Hendrix couldn’t perform his rendition of the Star Spangled Banner because of an irritating itch on his lower back that he just-couldn’t-reach.

It would be a pretty bleak future which is what, I guess, is in store for our children if our rock stars stay the course of becoming a bunch of whining assholes. The inconveniences I mentioned above are about the equivalent of what Hack-xl Rose is going through right now but we never heard those Guitar Gods complain. They were too busy expanding our minds with their high octane guitar solos and lobe-bursting drum beats. That AND abusing drugs and alcohol, but, hey, that’s just part of the job.

I should not be putting GnR on the same pedestal as Zep and Hendrix. Maybe it even worked out for the best. After all, Slash is shilling for Volkswagen now and the rest of the original band is touring with Scott Weiland and Velvet Revolver. The concert on Wednesday was essentially going to be the best GnR cover band ever assembled. At the very least, there would have been pyrotechnics, and I am a HUGE fan of fire. Oh well.

One more thing, I got my 50 bucks refunded from those crooks over at Ticketmaster. I wonder how many squirrels I could buy with that…


"WHAT DID YOU SAY!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THERE'S RINGING IN MY EARS!"