The Girl of My Dreams

When I first looked into her eyes, she took my breath away. I’ve never seen a girl like that in my entire life. I was trembling with excitement, I could barely think straight. It was getting late so I knew I had to act fast, but I was beginning to hesitate. Do I really have a shot at this girl? Then she looked up at me and I knew it was time to pull the trigger.

Ka-POW!

The smell of spent gun powder stung my nostrils as I sat back in my deer stand. After the ringing in my ears stopped, I went over to my bait pile to see if my shot was true. It was. I had bagged my first deer, a great big doe. And it only took me 11 years!

Some of you may remember my I am Blaze Orange Cowboy post last November where I arrogantly asserted my ability to dominate the white-tailed deer of Northern Wisconsin. I even went as far as saying that I had a hair on my chest for every deer I shot and that my chest was likened to Austin Powers. These bold statements were far from the truth. In fact, up until last Saturday, I hadn’t even earned the one straggler on my chest that I have to shave every other day. I am such a poser.

Well now I’ve finally earned the right to let that hair grow out and reach its full potential…but I’m probably going to keep shaving that little bastard anyways. It looks kind of ridiculous, but at least now I don’t have to feel guilty about it!

Now I would like to address the pundits out there who are thinking to themselves how cruel I am for shooting Bambi’s mother. Let me just say right now, you are absolutely right. I did not want to shoot Bambi’s mother. I would have much rather shot Bambi’s father. Especially if Bambi’s father was a 10 point buck with a 20 inch spread.

The fact remains that deer overpopulate the state of Wisconsin every year, causing economic hardship to farmers and tens of thousands of car accidents. The Department of Natural Resources issues a set amount of tags each year to regulate the herd and keep things in check. Hunters are just doing their duty. Enough said.

Another thing that hunters do is sit around in the woods all day with nothing to do. Besides catching up on zzz’s, it’s also a really great time to get some serious thinking done. I am willing to bet that some of the most innovative and influential ideas of the past century were conjured up while hunkering down in a deer blind. Did you know that Albert Einstein came up with the theory of Relativity while bow hunting in upstate New York? (Note: I totaled made up that last fact, but it’s probably true).

I usually come up with some whiz-bang ideas myself over opening season, but for some reason all I could think about was how much I like squirrels. I’ve always been a big fan of squirrels; after all, they do have puff tails. But for some reason, I just found them tremendously entertaining this year, scurrying around the forest like they were constantly late for some real important meeting. Plus, there was this one red squirrel that actually came into my deer stand and it looked at me. The squirrel’s name was Jim. It was hilarious.

So, to sum up: I shot my first deer and squirrels are my new favorite animal. Overall, it was a pretty productive weekend.



If anyone out there is wondering what else to get me for Christmas besides a Playstation 3, I would gladly accept a domesticated squirrel for a present. Actually, if you do happen to run across a merchant of domesticated squirrels; go ahead and pick up as many as you can and I’ll pay you back for them. What could possibly be more fun than having seven or eight of those little guys running around the house?