It wasn’t my fault though; I was completely blinded by my desire to see Brett Favre trounce the Minnesota Vi-queens in Brett Favre’s possible last game at the motherland of Lambeau Field.
Even though I know Brett Favre is going to play for at least another six or seven seasons, I didn’t want to take any chances missing the game. Although it is a commonly known fact that Brett Favre can not be stopped by any man or manmade object, there was always the possibility that a stray meteorite or a bolt of lightning could take Brett Favre’s right arm out indefinitely.
Or make him, more stronger?
Anyways, Turk “Ding” Freeman and I were scrounging around the hallowed grounds of Green Bay looking for cheap tickets right after the kickoff but things were looking bleak for us, despite the miserable weather that typically scares away the wannabe Packer aficionados. Even after five minutes elapsed from the first quarter, there were only buyers to be seen and no sellers.
We almost abandoned all hope when we came across a dude with two tickets right next to each other. He was a shining beacon of light in a murky tunnel of despair. I would have sold my unborn children into a lifetime of manual labor for those tickets, but luckily my bartering instincts took over. With any luck, we’d be sitting in the stands in moments, scarfing down hot dogs, chugging cold beer, and watching Aaron Kampman crush the bejezus out of the Padawan Viking quarterback.
Talking to the scalper was like talking to Mr. Testeverde, the turbo-tongue teacher from Saved By The Bell. There was a lot of gibberish and a lot of numbers being fired out between the two of us like an old-timey auction. Not a lot of sense was being made and I was really getting caught up in the moment, but I eventually talked the guy down from $200 for both tickets to $160. I should have held out for less but I was getting anxious.
Right as I was about to complete the transaction, this other dude comes out of nowhere with two other tickets and I instinctively yelled $150 to get a better deal.
Sold!
I learned three valuable lessons as the dough left my wallet and the two tickets were clasped in my greedy little hands:
1. When going to a game with a buddy, make sure the tickets you’re buying are NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
2. Make sure the tickets are NOT in the nosebleed section in the corner endzone.
3. It’s probably not wise to buy Packer tickets from a spaz that looks like he’s on crack.
Ding, upon realizing that I way overpaid for two crappy tickets that were on opposite sides of the stadium, promptly swore me off and proceeded to go watch the game with better company at the Sidelines bar off of Ridge Road. To make matters worse, the crackhead that I bought the tickets from kept hounding me and tugging on my arm to give him more money, like my generous contribution to his drug habit wasn’t already good enough.
I deserved it all. By the time I found another buyer, the first quarter was almost complete. There was a nary a soul around by this time so I ended up dumping the extra ticket for twenty big ones to a lucky passerby and then booked ass to my seat for the duration of the game.
I was stewing in anger for most of the football contest (don’t get me started on Bubba Franks) but the miraculous game winning field goal by Dave Rayner in the final minutes made the price of admission almost worthwhile. I was really just hoping to bear witness to the spectacle of a Brett Favre TD pass and to, consequently, rock out to Todd Rungren but there’s always next year.
Now if you excuse me, I have to dust off my calculus book. I’m going to figure out all the mathematical possibilities for the 7 and 8 Pack to get into the playoffs. It’s going to be a long night.
Get your shit together, NFC.
Wanna know what's worse than paying $54 for a single Packer seat in the corner endzone? Paying $130 for it.
3 comments:
I paid a cool 50 bucks for my seat at this very game. Although the packer victory was nice, I was expecting at least 8 TD passes from #4. Instead, there were zero and that QB from Miami still holds the elusive TD record. As far as our playoff hopes are concerned, gotta root for washingtion it sounds like.
I ran across a gentleman named Testeverde the other day...
It was the coolest moment of my life.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happen if they cloned a baby using DNA samples from Brett Favre, Chuck Norris, and Keith Richards. It would be a force unlike anything ever seen on Earth, I imagine.
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