But really, have you EVER ignored a text message? You can’t because it’s impossible. A person can ignore your phone calls and they can ignore your voicemails but they can’t ignore your text messages. They just have to read it and put up with it no matter what. It’s great.
I only wish I could figure out that T9 bullshit. Sometimes I can literally see people text faster than they can talk and it’s obviously due to the fact that they’ve obtained mastery over the awesome force that is T9. In my case, I think my brain might be too big or something because it never understands the brilliance that is coming from my fingertips.
It’s sort of equivalent to the chess match between the Russian World Champion, Garry Kasparov, and IBM’s super computer, Deep Blue, back in 1997, except in my case, the human out-smarted the computer instead of visa versa.
I suppose I could get a Blackberry or something like that but I just don’t think I’m cool enough for one. Don’t get me wrong, I think I could pull off Bluetooth wireless earpiece cool, but I just don’t think I have the cajones to pull off Blackberry cool. Maybe in another lifetime, I guess.
Switching gears, I honestly don’t know how people ever met up in bars before the advent of text messaging. I think we’ve all experienced the following conversation at least once in our lives:
(ring ring ring)
Drinking Buddy #1: HEY, I’M AT BROTHERS, COME HERE!
Drinking Buddy #2: I’M AT BROTHERS, TOO!
Drinking Buddy #1: WHAT!?
Drinking Buddy #2: I’M AT BROTHERS! I-AM-HERE-RIGHT-NOW!
Drinking Buddy #1: DUDE, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I’LL CALL YOU LATER!
(click)
Drinking Buddy #3: So was that Drinking Buddy #2? Is he coming out?
Drinking Buddy #1: It doesn’t sound like it. I think he’s with his girlfriend or something.
Drinking Buddy #3: That’s lame.
Drinking Buddy #1: Yeah, I know. Let’s get outta here.
Regular old cell phone technology is basically obsolete on any given weekend night without the ability to send electronic whereabouts to our friends. Thank you, Cingular. I owe you a shot the next time I see you out.
Switching gears again, I would now like to tackle the finer points of cross gender communications and text messaging. In order to accomplish this, I would like to conduct the very first ever Brain Litter poll. I want EVERYONE to participate in this and by EVERYONE, I mean CHICKS:
Is it acceptable for a guy to use smiley faces, winks, exclamation points, etc in a text message?
If the answer is no, then please explain to me how a guy is supposed to joke around or flirt or be playful or whatever via cell phone, keeping in mind that actually calling and talking in a normal conversation is completely out of the question.
The floor is now open for suggestions…
"Mom, why won't girls talk to me?"
25 comments:
In my book, exclamation points are only allowed in text messages when winning the lottery, sending death threats, or breaking up...
...Emoticons are never to be used by a heterosexual man.
u r gay
I think you can get away with an exclamation point once in awhile but no smily faces...
No, it's more like:
u r gay!
Unless you dot your i's with hearts, it is not acceptable for most men, gay or straight, to use smily faces, exclamation points, etc. It's just annoying and, for you, it would probably take an extra 25 seconds out of your life to figure it out!
Screw that, if you’re a man, you'll say it how it is, you don't need exclamation points, smiley faces, etc to get your point across.
Example: "Hey Turk, what do you want to do tonight? **Now you could enter some lame ass comment here that makes it seem like your flittering, or you could say what every man wants to say** 'You know what I really wanna do tonight..... Motorboat... I want u to come over, leave the braw at home, and we'll spend a glorious evening with my motorized lips between your beautiful breasteses." Now that’s what every man should say!
I have just wasted 5 minutes of my life going through all the texts in my phone to see what all you men do.... I have plenty of winks, smiley faces- with tongues or with a D to make it like a huge smile from guys- Unless you are worried about your manlihood being defined by a smile in a text message-smiles are just fine.
I would say, the one rule would be, you can only have one smile & one exclamation point per message.
Your manliness is very much in question if you use winks and smiley faces. Couldn't you just write something funny and flirty rather than relying on emoticons to do it for you?
text five!
So far, the only thing clear from this poll is that we need a shorter word for motorboating when texting. Maybe we can all collaboratively agree to use the short-hand "MB" as in:
Wanna MB later?
Or
What r u doing?
response: MB'n
Exclamation points are okay, but only when texting a random quote from somewhere--such as: "If I'd have known it was gonna be THIS kind of party, I'd have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes!" In which case, the capitalization of all words in "this" is also acceptable.
Smiley faces are simply unacceptable, no exceptions.
All the letters, that is. Sorry.
i am an avid fan of smiling and especially smiling winking faces cause i'm rather sarcastic and how else do you convey tone in a text message and anyone that's strongly against it is just one of those guys that are too homophobic to do anything that might make anyone think for a second they're not the straightest guy on the planet
However, I'm not a fan of exclamation points cause if something's deserving of an exclamation point you shouldn't be telling people via text message
Threepio says Cody is taking the question far too seriously and is obviously gay.
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
You would know, Threepio, don't you and R2D2 have a little somethin' somethin' going on?
A gay robot insulting a man by calling him gay? Are me and Billy Dee the only two who can see the irony here? Haven't you gay robots fought so hard to get the kind of equality you have with asexual robot, and your going to go and jeopordize it like this? For shame...
Plus, threepio's wrong. Cody's not gay for taking the question too seriously, he's gay for using smiley faces in his texts.
I'm sick to death of insecure fun-boys trying to prove how manly they are by vehemently rejecting anything they might possibly find to be less than macho. If you want to use smiley winky faces to let someone know you like them, then by all means go ahead. And if you're afraid to use them because someone, somewhere, might think your less than the pinnacle of heterosexuality then you've got a rough, judgement filled life ahead of you.
Once, just once, I'd like to have a conversation that doesn't end in childish name-calling and banal interpretations of Star Wars mythology. Is that so much to ask?!
I would like to place my vote...!!! :) ;) If you're hot text as many smilies and !!!s as you please. If you're kinda dorky stear clear. It takes a certain kind of man to pull off the smiley, kinda like a popped colar
While my last comment may lead some to think that I support a broader notion of masculinity than the simple rejection of non-masculinity, let me make one thing clear - only the gays pop their collar
I agree with anonymous...if you are hot, it really doesn't matter what you text. We will love you either way.
Also, it DOES take a certain type of guy to pull off the popped collar, white coral necklace, Abercrombie wearing,....look. Those boys are called "Chads"!!
Seeing as though the maker didn't give me a penis or any holes, Artoo and I do not have anything going on. however, Chewie did carry me around for a while without my legs attached, and had my head on backwards, so Lord knows what he was up to with his big wookie unit.
shit, a star wars fanatic made fun of me... whatever will i do
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