He's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Brett Favre has decided to return for his 16th season as the starting quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, once again, in no small part from some influencing from yours truly.

This time around it was a little more difficult.

My tale begins a few weeks ago in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Me and Brett Favre we’re building a fort in the woods near his home. We were looking for our own private place to play Legos because Brett Favre's seven year-old daughter, Breleigh Favre, was always stealing our missile pieces and as every Lego buff knows, those missile pieces are no commodity when building an interstellar fighter plane.

Space fighter plane craft happen to be our Lego specialties even though Brett Favre’s designs tend to be on the boxy side and lack symmetry. Then again, he can throw a football as straight as a laser beam so maybe he knows a little bit more about aerodynamics than I do.

Anyways, we were installing a secret trap door at the base of the fort when I started up with my usual retirement banter:

“So I read in Variety yesterday that Dan Marino and the Farrelly Brothers are thinking about filming some kind cross country road trip movie together. Kinda sounds like it’s going to be like There’s Something About Mary only funnier and better…”

“Oh, good for him,” he replied as he nailed one of the hinges to the floorboard. “I would have loved to work on that project but I already told Marty Scorsese that I would work with him on his next mafia movie. We’ve been looking to collaborate on a project for several years now.”

“Damn”, I thought. That Dan Marino crap usually gets his blood boiling. It was time to switch tactics.

“You know on Sportscenter today, they said Peyton Manning would make the running list of all-time greatest quarterbacks if he won the Super Bowl this year.”

Brett Favre missed a nail and hit his hand with the hammer as I said this. “Goddammit Goddammit”, he said as he resumed nailing the second hinge to the door, virtually unaffected by the smashing of his hand with a hammer moments earlier.

“If only there was some way to shut those pundits up,” I said, as I handed Brett Favre another board to reinforce the door.

2/6/07

Brett Favre didn’t respond to that last statement but I could tell the wheels were in motion.

I didn’t want to push the subject much further. If there is one thing I know about Brett Favre, it’s that he hates being manipulated into dominating the NFL. The best way to keep Brett Favre quarterbacking is to let him think that it was his idea to keep playing all along. Luckily the silence was interrupted by some rustling in the trees.

It was Deanna Favre. She was bringing us milk and cookies. We quickly got rid of the dips in our mouth and covered up the secret trap door with some tree branches.

“I thought you boys might be hungry so I brought you some treats”, she said. I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly accepted a cookie. Deanna was always bringing us snacks but deep down I knew she was just spying on us.

When Deanna left us alone again, we put the finishing touches on the secret trap door and climbed inside.

“What do you think the secret password should be,” asked Brett Favre as we sat huddled in our miniature fortress of solitude. “I was thinking maybe Hail Mary would be a good one. Or Lambeau Leap, I like that one, too.”

“Those are pretty good passwords, but I was thinking Indianapolis Colts in honor of my new favorite team,” I replied.

We never did come up with a secret password that day but I knew Brett Favre was seriously contemplating my words.

Normally, we just talk about girls we kind of like while we play Legos but that afternoon, he asked me for tips on all how to throw the long ball, so already I knew in his head that he was a staging the ultimate comeback for Green Bay in 2007.

That’s why it wasn’t a complete shock for me when he made his announcement last Friday even though I am excited all the same. It is going to be another glorious year for the residents of Green Bay. I can feel it in my bones.



Here is a photo of Brett Favre at a press conference, announcing to the world that me and him are totally BFF. It was one of my better days to say the least.



2.8.07

Apparently this last Sunday, there was some kind of exhibition game to determine the second best team in the NFL after the Green Bay Packers.

In a contest that I would best describe as a battle of mediocrity, The Indianapolis Colts were handed the Vince Lombardi Trophy on a silver platter by none other than Rex Grossman himself.

I’m sure ol’ Sexy Rexy is going to be the treated with a nice warm reception by the City of Chicago when he returns home from Miami. After all, they don’t take football very seriously there in the Windy City and I’m sure they are just happy that Rex tried his best out there. Ditka would be proud.

Initially I was upset with the Bears losing the Super Bowl, primarily because I didn’t want Peyton Manning to ever earn a Super Bowl Ring. Having the ring automatically puts Manning in the upper echelons of all-time greatest Quarterbacks and the last thing I wanted was some punk from Indy upstaging the great Brett Favre when he makes his triumphant return next season. Talking to a lot of fans in the past few weeks, I know I am not the only one with these sentiments.

One major difference between Peyton Manning and Brett Favre is that Manning is a whiny little bitch whenever a play does not go his way. Manning can throw up some impressive numbers in a season, but if you ever watch the guy play, he’s real tough to get behind when he’s down. No one wants to root for cry baby, I don’t care how good your team is otherwise.

Brett Favre, on the other hand, never let’s a play get out of his control so he’s always cool and jovial. When he throws an interception or gets sacked, it is because he CHOOSES to throw an interception or get sacked. The NFL knows that Brett Favre is essentially invincible, so he is contractually obligated to screw up every once in awhile to make the games interesting and maximize advertising revenue.



Where's your pacifier, Peyton?