Nerf Wars
What is more fun than launching yellow foam projectiles at your friends’ faces? Nothing, nothing is the answer to the previous question. The Blaster was classic, the Slingshot was weak at best, and the Sharpshooter was everything the name implied, but any Nerf War veteran knows the Bow and Arrow was the only weaponry you ever needed on the battlefield. The Bow and Arrow’s range and reliability were unparalleled to any Nerf gadget out there and probably still is today.
Super Soaker Fights
The only thing that could possibly rival shooting your friends face with a yellow foam projectile is a highly pressurized stream of water. I remember the feeling of power I wielded when I first got my Super Soaker 50 after playing with those cheap fifty cent squirt guns that I’d get every year in my Easter basket my whole life prior.
Then my next door neighbor doused me with his Super Soaker 100 and the feeling of power vanished. That lucky bastard…
Ducktales
This wasn't so much a game as it was a really great TV show. I just thought I'd mention that.
The Race Track Thing Where You Pull The Trigger And The Cars Go Around a Weird Track
You know what I am talking about, right? I don’t know the technical name of that game but it was fun. Those cars went in the craziest loop-de-loops and on the sides of walls and shit. All of them had the one track piece that criss-crossed so there was always the possibility that your cars could hit each other and go flying off the track.
I remember putting a penny on the track when my friends weren’t looking so they would start crying after I lapped them for the tenth or fifteenth time while their car stood idle. Hilarious.
NASCAR would actually be watchable if they threw in a couple of loop-de-loops in there. A glow-in-the-dark track wouldn't hurt either.
Matchbox Cars
Taking your two favorite cars and hurling them at each other was always a blast. Kids love car wrecks. See crazy race track game above.
Remote Control Cars
This game would have been a lot more fun if my parents would have bought me that one truck with the wheels that became claws. That thing was badass. It could go anywhere. I think it was called the Claw, actually.
I don’t think my remote control car was technically remote control because it had an eight foot cord, which defeated the whole purpose of having remote control in the first place. You couldn’t turn it at will either, it only turned left in reverse so you had to make a full 360 degree circle if you ever wanted to hang a quick right.
Buy you could crash it into shit so it was still fun.
I wish my Civic had claws that came out of the tires. The engineers at Goodyear need to get their heads out of their asses.
Dungeons and Dragons
Some of my fondest memories growing up were when I assumed the avatar of Bron Wolfbane, a Level Five Barbarian from the ancient tribe of warriors known as the Deathlites. I used to play this game for hours on end with my older brother Chris and his friends Nick and Pat.
Wait a second, these aren’t my memories. These are the favorite memories of everybody’s favorite communist, Joe Daniels. I have Joe’s collection of 27-sided dice to prove it.
Joe still makes major life choices based on the outcome of rolling dice like these. Why doesn't he get a magic eight-ball like everyone else?
And speaking of dice…
Craps
More on that fantastic game and my trip to fabulous Las Vegas last weekend in my next post.
22 comments:
Actually, Duck Tales was a game. A very shitty game for the 8-bit Nintendo.
Any list of great games that doesn't include Hot Shots Basketball should be ignored immediately. For shame.
Pterodactyls, good dinosaur to mention to kids.
I remember ye, Wolfbane. I shall never forget the time you slain me and procured the Wizard Key from my possession. I've been toiling for years but now I am a level Six Warlock of the High Order, and your days are numbered, for you are no match for my new Ice Spell.
I think anonymous should have to wear the bloody diaper. Hey Ben, is blowing up a can of Treet with firecrackers considered a game, because that was a good one.
Well.. I think it was more of a game for the neighbor's dog in that particular instance but yes, in general, I feel our experimentation with bottle rockets tied to things made in the "creation station" constitutes a game as well.
The Nerf Bow and Arrow sucked. As soon as you'd play with it for 5 minutes, the arrows would go as limp as Joe's dick, and wouldn't shoot for shit. Towards the end, they made a revolving blaster capable of holding about 18 balls. That thing could bloody the noses of your kid brothers and their friends like none other.
By the way, JD, ice spells also suck. Magic Missle and Melf's Acid Arrow were the way to go.
Who would've thought that one could fit in as many references to dicks, balls, playing, shooting, missles and arrows into one post?
Raistlin must have something on his mind.
I must have cast one too many Ray of Enfeeblement spells on you Ben, cause any Ranger worth his Girdle of Invisibility knows that we played Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition, not Dungeons and Dragons (1st edition). Boring old Dungeons and Dragons is for Gully Dwarves and Draconians and other tooty heads. Duy.
Laugh if you will, but my Monstrous Compendium and Command Undead spell are going to come in quite handy during the impending zombie invasion. We'll see who has the last laugh and lives to roll his 100-sided dice another day...
Well met!
Isn't thorzule the villain on "Story Lords" that 3rd graders watch. You know the one that takes place in the magical land of Mojust (pronounced like "mo-juiced"). The story lord arrived there by riding his stationary bike with pepsi cans affixed to the spokes. Milk Breath drove Thorzule's three wheeler.
Thunder and lightning, trumpets and drums, readers rejoice, a story-lord comes.
Nerf toys and D&D? You guys are a bunch of f-ing nerds.
That show was apparently filmed in Stevens Point, Wisconsin. It's those kind of facts that make me proud to be a Wisconsinite.
You know, I intended this thread to spark some interesting debates on the games mentioned above, and I REALLY wanted to talk more about Claw wheels because that thing is awesome, but in reality, it mostly revealed that I have a huge circle of nerdy friends.
You guys have traversed into depths of nerdiness even I am too hestitant to explore.
Wait. I did wait in line over night for Star Wars Episode I tickets. Nevermind.
Shall we retreat to the nerd cave, gentlemen?
Free food from local restaurants, skipping school, and playing Trivial Pursuit--Star Wars edition, camping out on a sidewalk, and seeing Ryan Heider get ridiculously drunk. Great stuff.
Remember when Nutty and Gus showed up to round up truants and completely ignored the fact they saw us at the front of the line? Those guys kicked ass.
Those were good times, Sanchez. It was the only time I ever skipped school which is extremely sad now that I think about it.
Damn you Wollin. I told you that in confidence. If I knew every exchange of words between us was going to become fodder for this blog I'd limit our converstations to zombies and Brett Favre, because we all know that's where your bread and butter is.
But as long as we're airing dirty secrets here, how about this one? You say that we delved into depths of nerdiness that you dared not? Well, I have from a reliable source that Benny boy here didn't even have enough friends to play AD&D, he had to settle for playing Hero Quest - a third rate AD&D at best - by himself.
Oh, and on a side note - Raistlin, you wish you could hold 18 balls at once. That would top your old record by at least 5.
By reliable source, JD, do you mean me, from when I told you I used to play Hero Quest with Joey Wollin not but a week or so ago? You're not exactly dealing with Deepthroat here, are you?
And I am not ashamed of playing Hero Quest. It was a nice change of pace after me and Joey Wollin were done playing ninja turtles.
Ben, your mom is Deep Throat!
Could that joke BE any more obvious!?
Yeah, why don't you make a joke about the planet Uranus being pronouced "your anus" while you're at it.
So, I just want everyone to know that while I may take lots of cheap shots at Joe he's actually the coolest guy I know, and if I could be anyone in the world I would want to be Joe. He's is the smartest, handsomest man I've ever had the priviledge to know and we should all consider ourselves lucky that he graces us with his musings on this comment board.
Also, I would gladly give birth to his children if it was possible. And if there was anyone in the world I would put my life in the hands of during a zombie epidemic situation, it would undoubtably be him. His knowledge of zombie killing is unsurpassed.
Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that Joe Daniels is the pinnacle of manhood.
Just for the record, I did NOT say the above things about Joe Daniels.
Well, if you didn't wirte them, why does it have the patented "wohlhan86" signature?
And don't take out your frustrations about your own poor choice of wording on Nick Pat and Chris. If you're gonna use terms like Deep Throat, you're gonna hve to expect that someone's gonna take that easy shot...
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