Myspace Woes

Lately, it seems, I have been receiving a lot of backlash over my Myspace profile. It seems to be offending a lot of people with its lameness. This week in particular, for some reason, was particularly hard for people to be linked to me via the world’s most popular social networking site.

Even my hair stylist had to comment, “What’s the deal with your Myspace page?”

At that moment, it became apparent that my profile needed some tweaking. After all, if I’m going to be able to pull off a faux hawk, then I better I have online credentials to back it up.

The thing about my profile is that it makes sense if you’ve been reading this blog for any period of time. My fascination with zombie movies and “Call on Me” are obvious to all my faithful readers.

But for the average Myspace stalker, it probably leaves more questions than answers.

Therefore it’s time for a change. A big change. I’m going to craft the ultimate myspace page and then comment later this week on how exponentially more rad it has gotten.

EVERYONE is going to want to be my friend. Everyone.

Also, I might have to take my blog off the Internet for awhile for some routine maintenance. If I do, it’ll only be temporary so no worries.

3/6/07

Before I change my profile, I want one more chance to defend myself.

Here is the link to my myspace page:

Ben’s awesome profile

You’ll notice right away that I used a delightfully clever pun on my last name as a nickname. Woll Street. You know, like Wall Street. But it’s Woll Street. I’m a business major and I work for a real estate developer so that’s funny. Just take my word for it.

Next, you’ll notice my sweet ass profile pic. Like a wild stallion, I’ve got a head of hair that can’t be tamed. It’s also a well known fact that chicks dig long hair, almost as much as they love dicks in boxes for holiday gifts. I think the black and white photography is a nice touch, too. It seems to legitimize that five-year bender I like to call college.

My background is also unique in that I went out of my way to avoid using the default Myspace setting, but I also made it so that your eyeballs don’t vomit like so many other profiles that I’ve seen. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re the ones with about a million different things going on at the same time with no discernable theme or pattern. They’re almost as loud as the obnoxious songs that sometimes play in the background.

Now I know I’d be offending a lot of people by saying those songs are annoying so I apologize. It’s just that I must be the only person on the planet that listens to iTunes while surfing the net so I get kind of perturbed when I have to find and click that stupid pause button every two seconds so it doesn’t interfere with the song I’m currently listening to. It wouldn’t be so bad it you had to do it once but that shit reloads every time you click on something. Surely, there must be a better system out there. Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Next you’ll see my random profile information. Admittedly, it’s pretty nerdy. This is where I’ll spruce things up. By no means am I going to sell-out my love of zombie movies, Harry Potter, and Call on Me, but I will strive to make it more universally appealing.

Finally, there’s that whole “shameless self-promotion of my blog” theme that runs rampant throughout the profile. I don’t suppose I’m going to gain any new readers anytime soon so maybe I’ll downplay that as well.

Or make Brain Litter MORE prevalent? I’m going to have to think about that one…



This zombie really knows how to rawk the hawk. Feel free to copy and paste this little beauty into your social networking website of choice.

3/8/07

Okay, are you happy now, World?

I sold out and de-nerdified my myspace layout. At first I thought I’d get real funny and just make it as crazy as possible, but after cruising around a few pimp-my-myspace websites, I realized those sites are more obnoxious than the most profiles that I’ve seen.

It took me forever to download the layout, which I think is pretty trippy. The rest is standard fare. I apologize if I over-hyped this post.

If you really want to know the truth, I am much bigger fan of facebook. It’s just a lot cleaner and user friendly. Even the stalker feature is starting to grow on me. I’m not one to go joy-riding on other people’s profiles but if something jumps out at me when I first login, then I’m all the wiser. Plus you can post unlimited pictures.

I envision a world someday where everyone is divided into facebook and myspace rival factions where civil war is all but inevitable. Friends will be de-linked, walls and comments will be ripe with slander, and chaos will ensue. This uneasy truce we have now will only last so long. I suggest you choose sides wisely.

War is hell.