Speed Stacking: The Next Baseball?

Way back when, I started a post about Great Games I Have Known, which featured a rant about the sport of Speed Stacking. At first I thought the idea of timing yourself to stack plastic cups into pyramids was preposterous, but then I saw this video:

Super Fast Speed Stacking Chick

Holy shit! That chick makes Jackie Chan look like a freakin’ Ent from Lord of the Rings. You know, cuz Jackie Chan has lightning fast hands and those stupid mumbling trees are slow as hell. Not ringing any bells? Well, the analogy works so back off!

And 7.63 seconds! I don't know what that means but I'm sure it's good. Only one thing is for sure; Team Superhandz does NOT accept posers.

I have a new found respect for Speed Stacking thanks to this video clip. Youtube, you’ve done it again. I only wish my parents made me train for this kind of stuff when I was younger so that I could have been a Speed Stacking champion today. I’ve seen Speed Stacking groupies and they are something else, let me tell ya.

There was so much potential for me to become a speed stacking professional. I remember this one birthday party I had at McDonalds when I completely dominated all the other kids at that crappy Big Mac carton stacking game. My tower reached like 20 containers high when all the other piles were toppling at 15 maybe 16 tops. I was a Styrofoam container stacking prodigy.

Perhaps my parents thought I had unfair advantage since I had a heightened sense of awareness from eating three pieces of chocolate cake and an entire sugar cookie shaped like Grimace. Actually, I don’t think those things on the cake qualify as cookies since cookies tend to have flour in them and those things were just pure hardened sugar fashioned into fun shapes, in my case, an obese purple monster. Those sugar things weren’t even that good.

I shouldn’t complain though, that was a really great Sweet Sixteen party. A car would have been nice but the Golden Arches is a close second.

Someday, when I have kids, I’m going to put them on a strict regime of cup amassing exercises and drills to hone their skills in this fine art. When all the other kids are running around playing soccer or flag football, or going to school, my kids will be at home stacking cups, timing themselves, and then stacking those cups again, trying to beat the previous time.

THAT or doing trick pool shots. Performing trick pool shots is awesome and has equal potential to become a lucrative career when they’re older.



What the hell is this thing, seriously? A purple cone with eyes? The Hamburglar is iconic. This tool, not so much.