Vegas Part Deux

I think it would be hilarious to be playing craps and then on your turn to roll, while shaking the real dice in your right hand, quickly throw a set of dungeons and dragons die across the table with your left hand. The reaction of the pit boss would be priceless. Since you’re going to get kicked out of the casino for pulling this stunt, you might as well go down in style. Instead of calling out something cliché like, “c’mon, baby needs a new pair of diamond earrings!” (or my case, “baby needs a Playstation 3!”), yell something like “Slay that dragon!” or “Vanquish that elf wizard!” I guarantee you would be the talk of the strip for years to come.

Someday…

If you have the means, I highly suggest getting your ass a plane ticket to the Disney World for twenty-somethings, a little town called Las Vegas. It is hands down the most fun you can pack into 72 hour period of time. I recommend you don’t go longer than that because I assure you, you’ll be running on fumes around day two from the sensory overload. But right around that time is also when things will start getting goofy and your mind will start playing tricks on you. You’ll start dropping things and bumping into stuff for no apparent reason and entire trains of thought will get completely derailed, sometimes in mid-sentence. Being aloof is fun.

I wish I had some amazing stories to tell but they would only be interesting to my posse of friends that went on the trip so I’ll just offer a little piece of advice that you might find helpful if you are ever in Sin City.

Wait, I do have one story that’s pretty good. On our last night out, we went to Body English, the club at the Hard Rock hotel and casino. Lines to get in were horrendous but a $100 tip to the doorman ensured we got in right away. This club is decked to the nines with a phenomenal DJ and some of the most gorgeous women you’ll ever see in your life. Paris Hilton was there and she sang one of her crappy songs from her crappy album to give you a picture of how la-ti-da this place is.

Anyways, my three buddies and I were out on the dance floor when all of a sudden a dance circle formed, just like in the movies. A couple of chicks started grinding in the middle but they weren’t doing much to get things hopping. Then my buddy jumps in the center and starts doing his thing, but the crowd was definitely not having any of the moves he was throwing out there. But then he pulled the greatest dance move I have ever seen.

First he did this fake sulking-off-the-dance-floor thing, like the club got the best of him so now it was time to drown his sorrows in booze kind of sulking, but right when you thought he was done for the night, he pulls the old “Marty McFly at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance” which entailed him grabbing his leg and playing guitar riffs with it while hopping around on the other foot. Textbook. The crowd went wild. I expect to see Paris Hilton pulling this maneuver in her next music video.

My piece of advice though is this: respect the force that is luck. Luck exists and you can make it out of nothing, and I’m not talking in a Billy Zane Titantic “Real men make their own luck” corny way but in a practical objective way. It doesn’t matter what game you are playing, all you have to do is be as loud as possible, laugh at everything, give high-fives to every around you, tip the dealers well, make a spectacle out of every turn of the card or the roll of the dice, and most importantly, never forget that at this very moment, you are living it up in Las Vegas, Nevada. I promise you the Gods of fortune will smile upon you if you do all these things. It’s weird but true.

Another good piece of advice: avoid the rides on the top of the Stratosphere. They are absolutely terrifying. They’re not terrifying in a FUN terrifying kind of way but in a TERRIFYING terrifying kind of way. Getting left out to dangle 108 stories above God’s green earth is not as cool as advertised.