Chicks just-don’t-get the concept of tagging up.
Let me back up for a second. I joined a kickball league this summer and the subject is just RIPE for blogging (thanks, Monarch, you charismatic bastard). It’s a co-ed league, that’s purportedly non-competitive but that’s kind of an oxymoron since drinking is encouraged and I’ve never met anyone who gets less competitive as the beers start flowing.
My team, the Bayside Tigers, have been playing for about three weeks now and I’ve had to ref two games as part of the league rules. That being said, I bet I’ve seen at LEAST a dozen chicks or so get thrown out for not tagging up after a caught fly ball. It’s easy to point the finger at inattentive base coaches, but I think this problem is deeply rooted in our mismanaged physical education programs in our crumbling public school systems.
Don’t get me wrong, guys forget to tag up too sometimes, but in general, I think it’s safe to say that 78% of all women find the concept of tagging up completely foreign. Keep in mind, there is no scientific reasoning behind the aforementioned statistic; I just think ideas are easier to digest when anchored to hard numbers.
Even though it’s awesome to get a double play against the opposing team for lack of tagging up, I just shake my head and smile when it happens to my own team. There’s no point in getting frustrated, like the rising of the tides, this is just the way world is and there is nothing you can do about it except hope and pray it doesn’t happen to your team in a clutch inning.
Ladies, please don’t be upset about this post. Our ability to tag up is one of the last things we have as men besides opening up pickle jars, setting up stereo equipment, and math. None of us have any doubt that you will be the primary breadwinners in our families and pretty much call all the shots going forward, you just have to let us take solace that we inherently know exactly how far to lead off of first base when there’s a short pop up to the third basemen.
I googled the word "kickball" and this is the second image that came up besides an actual pic of a kickball. Funny for two reasons: 1. - well, isn't it self-evident? 2. - He kind of looks like you, Monarch.
20 comments:
Anyone want to throw down odds that my big mouth will get thrown out for shoddy tagging up this week?
There is a 3rd reason why that picture is funny: the Monarch's nuts looks a lot like camel toe in that picture.
My tights are black magenta and orange, however.
monarch
I beg to differ on your opinion. I have done a study of 50 women and found that they are ALL incredibly accurate at assessing the correct distance to lead while optimizing their efforts to tag correctly. 90% effectively tagged, of which 94% tagged with their right foot and 6% tagged with their left foot. I only advise you be aware of these statistics because after this post it may be useful in protecting your manhood. You see, the game I am referring to is called "Chicks and Kicking Men in the Balls". As a good friend of yours, I recommend wearing a cup. They are the dominant sex in this sport, hands down.
Why don't you two funboys get a room?
You're really threatening the integrity of this blog by retracting your comment when someone makes you look foolish, Wollin.
What are you afraid of Ben? What are you hiding?
For those of you not regularly checking the comments field, Ben posted a comment in response to Fewch's that said "You're cute when you're angry" - but has removed said comment for fear of looking gay (not that there's anything wrong with that...).
Tom Jane's last comment was in response to the high levels of gay-itude in the aforementioned comment.
You're absolutely right, Jack Burton, I thought I was flirting with a chick but I seconded guessed and retracted my statement, not wanting to hit on a dude.
Sorry for being rational, but sometimes i am naive. whoops, it happens.
On a totally related note, we undeniablebly won our kickball game tonight, no thanks to Tom Jane, Turd Ferguson, Grammar Rodeo, or Jack Burton.
In your face, Space Coyote!
Fewch, reveal your identity, seriously, at least in email form to me. I am not going to sleep otherwise.
I wasn't flirting with you.
Unless you were hot..
Ben, why don't you just send Fewch a flirty text message with a smiley face and exclamation point and get it over with?
Maybe he/she likes dirndls...
How dare you sully the good name of Grammar Rodeo by lumping me in with such a motley assortment of rapscallions, rabble-rousers, ne'er-do-wells and no-goodniks?
Say what you will about that ilk, but leave me out of your slanderous accusations!
You have "thrown down" the proverbial gauntlet, sir, and the only reason I don't respond in kind is because you so consitently tickle my funny bone (though - apparently - not in the same way you tickle fewch's).
In response to Prof Dic:
1. You bet your ass I'm going to use exclamation points and smiley faces if the situation to text message would arise.
2. EVERYBODY likes dirndls.
I find it interesting that I leave a comment describing the horrific accuracy that women have when kicking balls, and I gain immediate fame as being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Unfortunately, wohlhan86, as your good friend, I wish I could say I was a hot chick. Despite any of your hater friends beliefs, I would definitely be your wing-man and I think you deserve that hot chick. Unfortunately, you also need an intelligent hot chick- which decreases your odds of finding one dramatically. I just wouldn't want you to settle for a multi-sex partner like some of your associates may be (a.k.a. Chicks with Kick Balls). Not that there's anything wrong with that. And Grammar Rodeo, I'm calling you out. He tickles your funny bone the same as mine. He just enjoys tickling mine more.
As a biologist, I find talk of testicle-kicking detestable. A swift kick to the nuts can dramatically decrease a man's capacity to procreate.
Actually, we could help save the species by kicking JD in the nuts as many times as possible. Kick away, ladies!
My daughters raise rabbits!!!!
If you think a mere kick to the sack is going to prevent me from spreading my seed, you've got another thing coming!
With all this talk of wohlhan86 hitting on dudes, procreation and seed-spreading, I'd appreciate it if you kept things out of my face.
fewch, you are wrong. Ben deserves nothing and if i have my druthers he will receive nothing.
BTW Monarch did make the last out of an inning for not tagging up properly. Then a gal on our team did the same in the 2nd inning. The only difference is the Monarch knew the Monarch had made a mistake.
I chalk it up to not having my good green spandex body suit.
Monarch
From the look of that picture it appears the Monarch has really let himself go. I know you're trying to bulk up but this is ridiculous. Get ahold of yourself, man.
Monarch, I don't know where all this hosility comes from. I've considered myself a well-wisher, in that I've wished you no particular harm.
Way to tag up last week. It was bound to happen to one of us. I was actually really paranoid last Tues, leading off of first base with the utmost of caution.
But as Larry Ellison once said, only the paranoid survive.
What the hell's a Larry Ellison?
I thought the Monarch moved to New York to do stand up comedy (If that picture is of the Monarch)
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