You simply make a grilled cheese normal style, but when one side is done, flip it and then put another layer of cheese and buttered bread on the top part that is done cooking. Then flip it one more time and cook the new third layer. Here’s the secret though: in addition to the second cheese slice, put in a layer of pickles so you effectively has three pieces of bread, two pieces of cheese, and one layer of pickles.
The bread to cheese to pickle ratio is phenomenal. I would even go as far as to say that it the perfect distribution of said ingredients, at least if you are using Kraft cheese singles.
I am really proud of my invention and am happy to add it to my laundry list of other inventions, which include:
1. Peanut Butter and Jelly and Bologna sandwiches
I owe my mother some of the credit for this one but I am definitely the one that made it popular. Anyone that says Peanut Butter and Jelly and Bologna sandwiches are gross has a. never tried it before or b. is lying to you. It’s like eating a PB & J sandwich but with better texture and more protein. They’re awesome, I swear, the shit eats like a meal.
But Ben, you can’t mix sweet and salty, those are two competing sensations on the taste buds! Well, I’ll leave the rebuttal to this argument with our good friends in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Boo Yah!
2. The Poor Man’s Mocha
When you can’t break away from your cubicle for a gourmet coffee shop run, go for the next best thing, the poor man’s mocha, compliments of me. First you pour a glass of crappy Folgers, then dump in a hot chocolate packet and like four creamers and mix that shit up good. Voila! You’ve got instant Starbucks-grade mocha and four extra dollars in your wallet. You’re welcome.
3. Scrambled Eggs mixed with Stove Top Stuffing
I think this one is pretty much self-explanatory
4. Putting oregano and extra shredded cheese on frozen pizza.
No one ever thought of doing this until I popularized it my Junior year of college. Jack’s pizza has never tasted better since.
5. Ben’s Hamburger Helper
Who needs a fancy schmancy Hamburger Helper kit, retail price $1.79, when you can make macaroni and cheese, retail price $.33, and just add the hamburger meat to that instead? I like to add extra elbow macaroni in my mix, which is great way to turn two meals, into three meals.
These are only a few samples of the many culinary masterpieces that I have created over the years. I'm basically the Rachel Ray of broke ass dudes. I’m actually thinking about opening my own restaurant that caters to the I like to get super full for less than a few bucks crowd, which every master chef aspires to cook for because of the challenge of appealing to clientele with such a sophisticated taste palette.
Oh yeah, when you see somebody playing with fire in some capacity and they burn themselves and someone yells sarcastically at them, “Way to go, Gandalf”, I invented that phrase.
Ditto when someone steps on a piece of broken glass and someone yells sarcastically at them, “Way to go, Die Hard.”
"Ahhhh, I hate running on this broken glass, Professor Snape, Ahhhhh, I mean Hans Gruber!!!"
42 comments:
Finally, a vehicle for us to bring our double vs triple decker argument to the internet.
I think it is time that this debate was opened to the general public, so here are the details:
I think Ben sounds like an idiot when he calls a sandwich with 2 layers of filling a "triple-decker".
I think the "deckerness" of a sandwich is determined by the amount of layers of substance it has - whether it be cheese, meat, or some combination.
Ben, however, insists that the "deckerness" is determined by the amount of bread on the sandwich.
Here is the crux of my argument, for which I have never heard a strong rebuttal: Ben does not call a regular sandwich a "double-decker". Why the sudden jump to triple? And what, then, is a "double-decker"?
Does anyone have a comment?
Calling a sandwich a double-decker is self-evident, which is why people just call it a sandwich.
Think about a double decker bus for a second. A double decker bus has seating like a normal bus (bread), a roof (the fillings), and then more seating on top (the other piece of bread). I don't think anyone can argue my definition of a double decker bus but it essentially like a normal sandwich, henceforth, if there was another roof and seating on top of that, it would be called a triple decker bus.
I rest my case...
Your case sucks.
You can't classify the roof as the meat and not classify the floor as anything.
The people are the meat of a bus, hence it is called a "double-decker" because there are two layers of them.
And a sandwich isn't called a "double-decker" because it is not one, not because it would be redundant.
What then, is your definition of a "single-decker"? A single piece of bread? Guess what - there's a name for that, too. Its called a PIECE of bread.
I think this case boils down to this: Is the "decker" by defintion, the bread or the fillings?
I say bread, since the bread supports the fillings, much like a deck supports the people standing on it.
Since "decker" is the primary descriptor, wouldn't one assume that it is referring to the most important part of the sandwich?
And does anyone think that the bread is the most important part?
I certainly don't.
I'll concede that you make a good point in comparing "decker" to "deck", but I challenge that argument with another question:
If they put a roof on a double-decker bus, but didn't allow anyone to be seated on it, would it be called a triple-decker?
Insufferable bastard though he is, I've got to agree with JD on this one. You added 1 piece of bread...nobody calls a regular sandwich a "double decker," for that is ridiculous. By adding said piece of bread, along with one extra layer of toppings, you created a double decker. End of story.
Hey dumbasses, look up double decker on dictionary.com so we can end this pointless debate and get on with our lives.
Are you implying that I have a life outside of this argument? If so, then thank you, but you overestimate me.
P.S. You may as well call me Gandalf, cause I burned your argument.
Die Hard references are awesome...
I totally invented walking on broken glass. At least I've done it more than anyone I know.
Monarch
BTW, Ben's argument is wrong. He has created a double decker sandwich. Congratulations on that. You'll need 4 pieces of bread for your 3 deck status.
God bless google image. Here is your triple decker sandwich.
Ben 0
Joe 1
Now that is the greatestensemble of 0's and 1's since the Japanese gave us that delightful jumping plumber that shoots fireballs
1. Chris, that pic doesn't prove anything. You could have googled triple decker sandwich and found that pic.
2. Dictionary.com? I scoff at that shell of a website. That half ass operation looks like something the President of Nigeria set up to sell penis enhancement drugs and to find local singles in my area when you accidently type in the wrong name of a popular legitimate website, like googgle.com or yahhoo.com.
3. And even Sir Webster himself came to my doorstep and told me personally that a double decker consists of three pieces of bread, i would throw his tired ass back out on the street.
Decks support people. Bread supports fillings. three decks = three pieces of bread = triple decker.
End of story. I'm right. Everyone else in the world is wrong.
This wouldn't be the first time either...
What would an open faced sandwich be?
"Use the open faced club, the sand wedge!"
"Mmmmm, open faced club sandwich."
By the way, this sandwich looks way tastier than your grilled cheese that you described.
Ah, good old Ben - steadfast in his beliefs even when everything from simple logic to cold, hard facts seems to contradict him.
I fear that no amount of legitimate definitions nor example images will ever deter him from his "bread is the deck" philosophy. And God bless him for it. I wish that I could be so sure of myself despite all evidence pointing to the opposite.
Monarch,
While Die Hard may have created the idea of walking through broken glass in the 80s, and Heavy Weights brought it roaring into the 90s, you sir have definitely made it fashionable in the new millenia.
In fact, I think Ben is referring to coining the phrase directly from an incident in which you were the primary glass-walker.
And as a second clarification - Ben didn't even come close to inventing adding cheese and oregano to frozen pizzas.
He saw how awesome my pizzas were when I added extra cheese he started brainstorming other things that would make pizzas better.
After many culinary abortions which included (but were not limited to) pickles, lemon pepper, cheerios, and miniature marshmellows I said:
"Hey Ben, instead of ruining pizza after pizza, why not try an old classic that people have been doing since the dawn of fozen pizzas?"
"What's that Joe?"
"Why, oregano, Ben."
"That's brilliant, Joe. In fact, you're brilliant."
So I certainly won't try to take credit for it, but I will say that Ben got the idea from me.
Another add on that rocks if you like mushrooms, is a can of mushrooms from the grocery store.
Pizzaria combos are also good on a pizza, and I can only assume that pizzaliscous pizza pringles are also good.
Monarch
I have to agree with jd on this one. Sorry Ben.
I believe the very first double decker was created when a hungry caveman in a hurry stacked two sandwiches on top of one another and ate them at the same time. This was your original double decker. Later, as happens in evolution, the double decker lost it’s useless extra middle piece of bread... so the layers changed slightly but it is still a double decker because it is essentially two sandwiches stacked one on top of each other.
So in summary, a double decker is: (bread/meat/bread/meat/bread)... it is a "double" decker because it is in theory two sandwiches morphed into one. The single decker is just one sandwich (morphing it into one makes no sense). Following the logic, the triple decker is (bread/meat/bread/meat/bread/meat/bread), three sandwiches in one.
... also, a double decker bus follows my logic, it just has a convertible top for it's last piece of bread. The middle bread is morphed into one piece acting as both a roof to the bottom sandwich and a floor to the top sandwich.
God...dammit!
Pump the brakes Yeoj,
You did not invent the extra cheese on the pizza. I used to make that for you and Chris as part of the Monday Night Football snack tray. I clearly invented it, I am glad to see its legacy has lived on.
If you remeber, I also invented the egg McMuffin (McDaniels).
Hey Joe, you're dad just left a comment on my blog!
There is no way that was actually my dad. That comment was posted at 10:09, at which time my dad had been asleep for at least 45 minutes.
I don't think you gentlemen realize what you're getting yourselves into when you trash my iron-clad logic. What you fail to see is that Brain Litter is the glue that holds the Internet together. To prove my word infallible would risk everything we've worked for the past decade: free music and movies, up-to-the second news and sports scores, and of course, unlimited porn.
I'm not prepared to give these things up and neither should you. Let's keep calling it a triple decker and call it a day , shall we?
I agree with Ben. This blog is a universe unto itself, and its existence rests completely and wholly on the will of its creator.
To reveal chinks in the logic of the blog is to unravel the fragile thread of reason that holds the entire blogiverse together, threatening the very existence of Brain Litter.
Call the sandwich what you may at a local deli; debate who was the originator of adding cheese to pizza in your favorite pub.
But for the love of all things Brain Litter, keep these arguments outside of this corner of cyberspace, lest it collapse around us in the most horrific event since the destruction of Alderaan at the hands of Grand Moff Tarkin.
Now I believe I'll go put together three pieces of bread and two layers of chicken salad and enjoy a tasty triple-decker.
Not so fast my friend,
Brain Litter provides us with hours, well minutes at least of free entertainment. BUT, it is a two way street. Without all of us reading and validating his random thoughts, Brainlitter would have no reason to exist, therefore we are equally responsible for the content of the website. I feel that we cannont allow this foolish Triple Deckeredness to continue when the sandwich in question CLEARLY a double decker.
And I pick Ohio State to beat Florida in the national championshi . . . Drat!
Lets look at a double decker Jet, used for commercial transportation.
Floor (bread)
People (meat, etc)
Ceiling / Floor (bread)
People (meat, etc)
ROOF! (bread)
Ben when are we going on that second date?
Vern, you're crazy, man. I like you...but you're crazy...
I'm a big stupid baby
How is the Bob Loblaw Law Blog coming? You, sir, are quite a mouthful.
I generally disagree with Ben just on principle, but JD speaks the truth.
Calling a sandwich with two layers of cheese a triple-decker is almost as ridiculous as Ben claiming he had a one-night stand with a woman.
Lest there be any doubt, wikipedia saves the day:
"The double decker sandwich is a common staple of restaurants all over the world, most notably the club sandwich, which consists of two layers of turkey, lettuce, tomato, bacon, and various condiments sandwiched between three pieces of bread.
A common misconception among the general public is that a double decker sandwich is in fact a triple decker. This is a fallacy. The reason for this misnomer is simply due to the three pieces of bread."
That Prof Dic takes it personal and makes it personal, with the velveteen touch of a dandy fop.
well well well, I knew it was just a matter of time before Prof Dic came around to rear his ugly head. And of course he had to bring in his boyfriend, Wikipedia, into the argument. So predictable, so predictable...
Don't steal my clever links gimmick, BROTHER!
Calm down, brother.
It's funny when Ben calls things someone's boyfriend. That shtick never gets old.
I'd love to get into this, but I'm afraid I just Blue myself.
Monarch
I just noticed how hilarious that title is.
Invent a new Blog, asshat.
Monarch
Monarch,
you can click other and then put your name in as Monarch, you douche tard.
Er, ah, woof woof.
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