Summer Movie Round Up 2010

Let’s see here…Inception was cool. That’s about it.

This post should be called the Summer of Weak Sauce 2010.

To be fair, the summer blockbuster schedule started off pretty good with Iron Man 2. It wasn’t great; it pretty much coasted on the charisma of Robert Downey Jr., but it was good, a perfect appetizer in May to get things going for the summer.

But the meat and potatoes of the summer mindless fun usually begins around mid June and culminates into some major badassery in July, a good comedy in late July for dessert, followed by the table scraps served up in late August. See the Expendables for an example on table scraps.

Again, back to Inception, that was a great flick, a helluva flick; totally original, thought provoking, a brain melting good time all around.

But it was NOT a summer movie. Inception is a course best served in late November/early December, where you immediately want to go to Barnes and Noble and have a hot cup of coffee and talk about it with your friends and read weird theories and Oscar buzz about it in the periodicals section.

A good summer movie is one where you want to give chest bumps to the other patrons as they are walking out of the theatre and then go have a beer and bask in the spectacle. There was none of that thus far. I think Scott Pilgrim Against the World has potential and thankfully Machete is just around the corner to salvage the summer but God help me if those films fail to satisfy my appetite.

Totally going off topic here, but I read an article today about how Return of the Jedi was originally supposed to have a bittersweet ending with Han Solo dying, the rebels left in tatters, and Luke riding off alone into the sunset but this ending was scrapped by George Lucas for the sole purpose of selling more toys. Now people hate him more than ever, even more so than after the releases of Episodes 1, 2, and 3.

George Lucas is like the Weezer of motion pictures. He gave the world this beautiful, beautiful gift and then proceeded to destroy every last remainder of goodwill through a cascading series of poor decisions to the point where his original accomplishment is all but forgotten. Come to think it, he’s kind of like Brett Favre.

Wait no, Favre is like the Weezer of football, and playing for the Vikings is like the album Make Believe.

You know what, I could do this all day. But for me, I still love the original Star Wars trilogy (and can even tolerate the Ewoks i.e. Maladroit), Brett Favre, and Weezer and NOTHING these dumbasses do going forward will sully their original accomplishments in my eyes.

All I really want is to see is one traditional kickass summer flick before football season starts and I stop caring. That’s my whole point, sorry it took like 12 paragraphs to get there.

Also, I would like to filmmakers to stop using CGI and go back to animatronics and puppets and also, I wish they would stop making those God awful spoof movies. Vampires don’t Suck. Producers who greenlight that tripe Suck.


They just don't make 'em like they used to. Gummy Bears! Gummy Bears! Sprinkles! Sprinkles!