Free Packer Viking Tickets and Dane Cook Reviewed

Here are the steps needed to take to get free tickets to the upcoming clash between the Pack and the Vikes next Sunday.

1.) Download this picture.



2.) Print it out on 100 t-shirts (no caption, the pic speaks for itself), let’s say at 5 bucks a pop
3.) Drive to Minneapolis on Nov. 21
4.) Set up shop at the Metrodome parking lot
5.) Sell said t-shirts for $15 apiece
6.) Take the $1000 profit, buy some scalped tickets, use the rest towards beer, food, gas, and if there’s money left over, treat yourself to a Caribou coffee.
7.) You’re welcome.

Of course this all contingent on Brad Childress having a job next week, which is a 50/50 proposition but if the Vikes manage to eek out another win and Childress manages to cling on to his job for another week, you better believe the people of Minnesota are going to be clamoring for Brad Childress rape van t-shirts, this much I can promise you.

Then again, my first foray into novelty t-shirt sales was a disaster. If you don’t believe me, you can ask the garbage bag full of navy blue t-shirts that simply say “43,560” across the chest that’s gathering dust in my closet right now. I really thought they would be a hit at a real estate analyst conference I went to a few years back. They weren’t.

I wanted to use a Brad Childress rape van as a transition into my next bit, a review of the Dane Cook show last night at the Resch Center. How are the two related? I’ll get there in a moment.

First, I thought the warm up comedians provided more laughs than the main event. I don’t know if it was because they were funnier or because I had to pee pretty much the entire time Dane Cook was performing but in the future, I am going to avoid slamming an extra large, spiked Dr. Pepper before any show with limited opportunities for bathroom breaks.

Second, when the warm up comedians were finished, there was video introduction that went on a little too long followed by, not kidding, at least 20 security personnel to escort Dane on the stage which I thought was excessive and a little pretentious.

The show itself was pretty good. Dane Cook is a hell of a story teller and a pretty good singer too, surprisingly. The rendition of the Revenge of the Nerds theme song at the end was particularly inspiring. And his routine was all new stuff, for me it was anyways, although it was very familiar to his other routines in the past.

In general, the show was exactly what I expected except for one thing. He did not pander to the audience one time. No references to Lambeau Field, no references to Krolls or Stadium View or some local establishment, no references to anything. When I pay for $30 for a comedy show and $15 on top of that for the mafia extortion Ticketstar fees, I expect to be pandered to, at least a little bit, or else I feel ripped off.

At the end of the show, Dane and the three other comedians did a musical finale where they sang this chorus (that’s still stuck in my head) “that’s probably a bad idea” and then they took turns doing one liners, most of them referencing their previous comedy bits. When they got into this rhythm, I immediately thought of all the local or immediately topical jokes ripped from the headlines they could have done during these riffs.

If Dane or any of the other comedians did some research or even picked up a newspaper, they could have said something like, “hiring Brad Childress to coach your football team”, followed by “that’s probably a bad idea” and BOOM the crowd would have went berserker, I know they would have, and they could have ended on a high note. Pandering accomplished, on to the next town. But they didn’t and that’s kind of a bummer.

Headlining Entertainers coming to Green Bay, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. We like references to us. We like Packers and drinking and putting cheese on stuff. The stereotypes about us are true. It shouldn’t be THAT difficult.