I know most of you are dying to know how fast I ran the 2011 Perkinstown 3-Mile Snowshoe Race last Saturday and the answer to that question is BLAZINGLY. I left behind a trail of puddles as I cruised through the Chequamegon National Forest knocking over small children, elderly citizens, handicapped people, people, people that are my girlfriend, orphaned children, and anyone else that got in the way between me and my 37:17 finishing time.
I finished 48th out of 185 in the men’s division and 9th in my age bracket, but I am pretty sure that the 47 dudes in front of me cheated. In fact, I’m positive they did.
Jess was right behind me but she lost some minutes due to some impromptu text messaging on the course. She loves that blackberry. She really does.
I don’t know what was so important that she needed her phone during the race but one thing is for certain, if she got a text, her reaction was “OH…..MY GOD”. The “OH…..M Y GOD” response gets used quite liberally with Jess. Whether finding out that her mom won the Powerball or if she just found out her friend Staci ate a turkey sandwich for lunch, you can bet Jess will be calling out to that Big Guy in the Sky about such a monumental turn of events. It’s pretty cute, actually.
Not to change the subject, but every morning this week, when the alarm clock went off, I instinctively banged that snooze button, crashed back on my pillow, stared blankly at the ceiling, and had the following inner monologue:
Packers…..Packers…...Bears…..Packers…….Bears…..Bears?.... Packers!..... Clay Matthews……Packers…...
This would continue for three or four more snoozes before I was forced to get up and drive to Appleton and pretend to give a shit about work.
I think the Bureau of Labor Statistics should have done a productivity study in the State of Wisconsin this week. I would have liked to know how exactly we were all collectively distracted from our tasks at hand in an objective measure. Im sure it would have been record breaking.
Especially, last Tuesday at 2:00 when Ticketmaster.com started selling tickets for the NFC Championship Game for a 60 second window at face value. I didn't know they sold out so quickly, I was on that piece of shit website for what seemed like forever. I was on there so long, that I started to become fluent in that gibberish language you needed to type to verify you weren't a spammer. But after about 45 minutes I was like "Flugg this schlipt, I'm getting the fundarck out of pheere" and I walked away empty handed. No big loss, who wants to watch the big game surrounded by a bunch of FIBS anyways.
Stay warm today everybody, it is colder than a biscuit out there. Go Pack!
5 comments:
Oh my god! I was NOT texting during the snowshoe race. Like I told you, I wanted to check the time so I looked at my phone and noticed I had a new text message :) Anyway, the real reason you beat me is because you put my snowshoes on me that day, and one just HAPPENED to fall off during the race, and you didn't even glance back to help me.
Babes, you KNEW I had a competitive streak when you decided to date me.
Geez, can you guys take your lover's quarrel somewhere else!?
Did your snowshoe fall off before or after Ben pushed you down and gave you a facewash?
you should put gum in his hair for sabotaging your race
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