Girl With The Dragon Tattoo REVIEWED

During my cruise last month, I was able to peruse a few of my favorite periodicals and read a novel. Everybody has been talking about this Girl With The Dragon Tattoo book. I decided to check it out.

I didn’t like it at first because the story is set in Sweden and I prefer my stories to come from America. I don’t know much about Sweden except their greatest exports are modular furniture, meatballs, and Stellan Skarsgard.

In fact, it became impossible to envision the main characters in the story without one of them being played by Stellan Skarsgard. Then I started getting mad thinking about a film version without Stellan Skarsgard in it. And then I thought, why not throw Peter Sarsgaard in there as Blomkvist, that would be a juicy bit of casting.

PS Stellan and Peter aren’t related. I know! I thought they were too!

Well I imdb’d some stuff when I got home and learned that Stellan will be in the American version, thank God. Daniel Craig is going to star in it too which I’m okay with. I’d be happier if he was working on a new James Bond movie that DIDN’T suck but I don’t want to veer off topic here.

I’m really shocked that Kristen Stewart will not be playing Salander; that was another obvious actress choice in my opinion. According to the book, the character playing Salander is super skinny and unable to express emotion. Kristen Stewart is super skinny and couldn’t express emotion if it slapped her in the face. That could have been a slam dunk. Way to cast a movie, Hollywood.

So without giving away any spoilers, this book is a mystery/suspense that prominently involves a computer hacker and a sex dungeon. For being a talked-about best seller as of late, the whole book as I was reading it seemed a little too 2002-ish to me. Don’t get me wrong, some things from that time period get better with age, like my Motorola RAZR which no smart phone has yet to surpass in ergonomics, quality, and awesomeness.

However computer hackers and sex dungeons just aren’t doin’ it for me anymore, I was expecting something a little more modern. There’s not even any vampires in it.

But maybe the sequels will have vampires in it. Or better yet, zombies. I’m not holding my breath though. Even though I would rate the book as pretty good, I’m still probably going to end up reading the sequels because I’m stubborn like that. Or maybe I’ll just check out the Swedish version with subtitles, it’s on the Netflix. I don’t know. I don’t know if there’ll be enough time.

Here is a classic ecstatically happy or seething with anger pose from Kstew. Imagine if her and dipshit Ryan from The O.C. produced an offspring. That child would be first human being born with negative talent.