You Win, MTV, You Win

Jess and some of my closest friends like to tease me that I’m an old man. Sometimes they call me Old Man Wollin in jest. And I always shrugged it off.

I’m sorry but getting excited about installing a new radon mitigation system in the basement does not make me an old man. It makes me prudent and .005% less likely to get cancer some day, but it doesn’t make me an old man. Ditto for getting excited about shirtless lawn-mowing. That’s just the way God intended lawns to be mowed.

But the angering up of my blood from the 2011 MTV Movie Awards might be compelling evidence to support the Old Man Wollin moniker.

Let me clear upfront that I did not watch one second of the actual award show last night. I just read the recap this morning but it was enough to get me reeling to the point where I had to vent on Brain Litter today.

Nominees

Winners

If I was a 12 year girl with a Robert Patterson poster above my bed, I would still feel like my intelligence was insulted. The Twilight series, arguably the worst thing committed to celluloid since the medium was invented, received a staggering five awards including best picture in a field that included Inception and Social Network.

My actual beef though is not from Twilight winning this year but the fact that it wins EVERY year. I did a little research and basically, the other Twilight travesties won the same categories in 2009 and 2010. At what point does one scratch their head and wonder if maybe, just maybe, this is just a stupid beauty pageant and not a good way to spend 2 hours of my time?

And one also has to wonder if Justin Bieber really had the most jaw dropping moment, from a quasi-documentary without a plot to substantiate audience suspense, or if MTV just invented the category and victory so a Bieber presence would boost their ratings. Hmmmmmm.

Again, I don’t hate the youth of today. Why, just yesterday, I saw some teenager with both a mohawk and a rattail at Ashwaubemay and I didn’t think to myself that this kid sort of looks like an asshole. No, I just smiled and thought to myself, shine on, you crazy diamond.

But I guess hating MTV would put me in the old man camp so I guess I’m an old man now. I’ll take the History Channel over MTV any day of the week.

FYI watching the History Channel doesn’t make me an old either. World War II was cool beans and I would go on a date with that dude that shows up on Pawn Stars every week that knows everything about medieval weaponry and antique guns than Taylor Lautner in a heartbeat.