TWINNING!

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Yes, the rumors are true, I knocked Jess up and she is carrying twins.  The news came about a month ago when we went into our first ultrasound.  When I saw those two goofballs on the screen, I immediately turned to Jess and asked if we could name them Tango and Cash.  She said no.  I said let’s think about it.

Hearing you are going to be bringing two kids into the world at once is kind of scary.  When the doctor asked if we had questions, a million of them came pouring out all at once.  Do we get a discount on our medical bill from economies of scale?  But you’re already standing there, how much more expensive could it be to deliver the second one?  What if I watch you the deliver kid number one, and then I get in there and deliver kid number two, that could save a few bucks, right?  What do you think of the names Tango and Cash? 

The doctor was not very helpful.  Totally unwilling to negotiate.   Unbelievable.

Jess says she was not surprised when she heard the news because twins run in her family.  Her aunt and uncle are fraternal twins.  I told her I wasn’t surprised either because I am ridiculously fertile.  I’d watch out ladies, it’s not a superpower I can control either.  Best to avoid me all together lest we accidently make eye contact walking down the street and you end up with spontaneous triplets or something.  It could happen, I feel I am getting more potent by the day.

Jess claims she is doing all the heavy lifting but let’s not kid ourselves.  She had to produce TWO things to make this all happen, I had to produce ONE HUNDRED MILLION precisely fired things to make this all happen.  100,000,000 > 2.  It takes a lot of energy to make a million of anything let alone one hundred million.   It’s a big ass number.  Sorry, Babes.

To get into the spirit of things I’m going to watch that comedy from the 80’s with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito over Christmas break.  I forget the name of it.  I’m pretty sure it was called The Comically Different Brothers From A Physicality Standpoint Who Go On A Caper.  That sounds right.     

Actually any comedy will do right now.  Horror and suspense movies just haven’t been doing it for me lately.  I figure if I feel the need to be scared, I’ll just review my calculations on how much college will cost in 2032.  And then double it. The Conjuring ain’t got nothin’ on that.

But seriously, we are very very excited about this news and can’t wait for June of next year.  Merry Christmas everyone!!!