Rule Number 2

The girl cannot suck at Volleyball.

I know that may seem weird and random, and it is. I’m not all that great at Volleyball myself. I don’t even particularly like the sport that much. It’s just when screening potential candidates as relationship material, it’s really important to me that the girl has the rudimentary skills to knock a soft inflated rubber ball over a stupid net.

This all stems back to middle school when nothing was more important than winning the whatever game of the week in gym class. Can you think of anything more annoying than that one girl in every class who ducked and screamed whenever the ball was hit to her? Or when it was her turn to serve, could not hit the ball over the net to save her life? And then she would giggle because she thought she was being cute. You weren’t. You cost the team a point and you wasted everyone’s time. The only thing you could do about it was pray she wasn’t on your team next week. On a side note: I was definitely the asshole who always hit the ball in her direction if that girl was on the other team - like I said before, gym is super important at that age.

Objectively, if I was to continue seeing a girl, I would have to get her to play beach volleyball at some point and I’d like to see her serve the ball in bounds at least 57% of the time and she we would have to be good enough to not be singled out as an automatic point by our opponents because, sadly, those assholes still exist. I’d even be willing to cut the girl some slack if we were drinking lots of those barley and hops flavored soda’s that I am so very fond of. I feel I am being pretty fair about this and I think a lot of dudes would feel the same way.

You can tell a lot about someone by how they play volleyball. Ladies, please don’t be a giggle monster out there.