Cheetah Woods

Ugh. Terrible.

Not my joke, though. Neither is this one but it’s a lot better:

What is the difference between a golf ball and an SUV?

Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.

Eh Oh!

Okay let’s get topical.

I know you are probably sick and tired of hearing about Tiger Woods in the news, but once again, the only person to blame is the media itself.

As more of Tiger’s conquests come out of the woodwork to seek their 15 minutes of fame, the more you hear about awful his character is and how he doesn’t deserve all the accolades he has received over all these years.

Nuts to that. It’s easy to point someone to their finger and say they are built of a stronger moral fiber but how many of these people make hundreds of millions of dollars a year by being the best athlete in their field and then have beautiful women throw themselves at them everywhere they go?

If you are one of these people, then cast thy first stone, but until you are, I don’t see how anyone can possibly know what kind of temptations and pressures Tiger or someone of his stature must face on a daily basis so therefore we should not be so quick to judge him.

And I think that Elin just HAD to have known what was going on. It’s hard enough to juggle one woman around in a hectic schedule let alone seven or whatever the tally is at now. I figure that Tiger and Elin must have had some kind of “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy around the home that was probably working out relatively swell but Tiger got sloppy with his pain meds and let one of these bimbos blackmail him which led to a fight and him storming out of the house all medicated up, and well you know the rest of the story.

Affairs among the rich and famous aren’t new, people. In fact, for a long period of time, it was kind of cool to make enough money to support a mistress. King Henry. Ben Franklin. JFK. A bunch of dudes from the bible. Ray Liotta in Goodfellas had at least two. The list goes on and on.

Mistresses are just what rich and famous people do. Why are we stopping the presses over this?

In fact, this spat is going to hurt the economy. Experts are saying that ratings and sponsorships are going to dry up costing the PGA hundreds of millions of dollars.

If America’s number one export is our culture (and I think it is) this scandal will hurt America’s bottom line and I can’t accept that.

Let’s all move on and let the man sort out his mess privately so he can get back to what he does best: having extreme nipple erections at the weirdest times.

No wait, I’m thinking of Phil Mickelson. I meant to say giving awkward, ill timed high fives to his caddy. That’s what Tiger really excels at.

And Tiger, if you are reading this and I suspect you might be, if you think you will never bounce back from this, well think of another high profile athlete that admitted to pain killer addiction and wife philandering that later found acceptance in the public eye and is now more popular than ever.

I’ll give you one guess. Just one. It’s Brett Favre!



Is it possible that the real crime may be that some of these chicks aren't even that hot?