Meat Is The New Bread!

Spring is here and the first day that is warm enough to walk around outside shirtless also commemorates the first day of working out season for me. But because of the shitty hours of my job, working out for me now entails eating less, which frankly is not very fun and but then again, neither is lifting weights.

So I’ve been eating like a damn rabbit on the weekdays of late but during the weekends I like to really cut loose in order to keep my sanity. This last weekend I got a little weird, a little wild, and ordered that quaint little delicacy they serve at the venerable KFC, you may know it as the Double Down.

I can’t explain my fascination with this sandwich. I keep thinking of some worldly foreign traveler coming to vacation in the States with an open mind, thinking the rumors can’t be true, Americans can’t all be a bunch of fat asses, and then seeing a commercial on TV promoting strips of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered in mayonnaise special sauce between two fried chicken patties and thinking Oh. My. God.

I’m not one to criticize something before trying it with the exception of shooting heroin and watching The Hills so I bought one on Sunday. Here it is.




I think it would have tasted better had I been wearing a ratty wife beater with barbecue sauce stains on it. You know, to set the mood. But in general, it was greasy, bland, it has scary mystery sauces, it was not that big for five bucks, and the guilt of eating the thing was just not worth the price of admission. Time to go back to the drawing board, Colonel Sanders.

The overall verdict?



While we’re reviewing fast food fare, I also got one of those new mochas at McDonalds. Also not good. This is going to sound crazy but it was just too cold. It hurt my teeth. What the hell is that about? And too sweet. Every sip felt like a freshly poured coca cola on a rusty nail. Starbucks, you got nothing to worry about.

And since I have no shame, I also tried that new western egg white omelette breakfast sandwich at Subway. It was good especially because you can get it on their flatbread, which tastes awesome. The downside is that you are eating at Subway, so you know you are going to be hungry again in about 45 minutes because the content and quality of their food, as we all know, is garbage. Don’t get the hash browns either, they are a joke.