The Big L

Commuting from Green Bay to Appleton really sucks, not because of the distance (which, does suck) but because of the ineptitude of most drivers that use that particular corridor.

I love my Wisconsin peoples but one thing we cannot seem to grasp is the idea of using the left lane for passing only. I've traveled many places in my day and nowhere is it more prevalent to see some turd burglar crawling along at 60 mph in the left lane while some other driver is going the same speed in the right lane allowing zero cars to pass until some dutiful soul (often times myself) does the courtesy of tailgating said left lane offender until they get to the right lane where they belong or worse, pass them in the right lane.

Notice a few select words I used in the last paragraph. First, I did not insult the slow driver in the right lane because I think it is perfectly fine to drive below the speed limit, that is your God-given, American right and I would not want to infringe upon that; just stay in the right lane where you belong.

Second, getting passed in the right lane is one of the worst things that can happen to you during highway travel and should be avoided at all cost. We seriously need to make this a major social stigma; like updating your facebook status with political rhetoric or recapping a meal you just ate.

Naturally, if you are forced to pass someone in the right lane, you are obligated to give them the stink eye but sometimes that just isn't enough because if that person is dumb enough to diddle away in the left lane, then they are dumb enough to not read your subtle glares.

That's why I think we need to come up with a new hand gesture to express our displeasure with passing someone in the right lane. I think the offensiveness level should be somewhere between the middle finger and the thumbs down.

The middle finger is just too harsh, we're probably dealing with an old person i.e. someone's grandma, and I don't like the idea of my grandma or someone else’s grandma getting multiple middle fingers on the way to church. Plus I think it has to be something completely new with only one, specific connotation.

I kind of like the idea of pointing your thumb and pointer straight out with your right hand in an "L" shape in conjunction with the stink eye. The left lane offender will see a big "L" pointed at him or her and immediately think the "L" stands for "Left", as in "oh shit, I am in the LEFT lane when I my slow ass should be in the RIGHT lane. Thank you, kind sir, for that reminder, I have learned my lesson and will not repeat it."

That’s what I would think if someone shot me the Big L if I were caught napping in the left lane, not that that would ever happen but I can conceive of a scenario of me driving down Highway 41 with the cruise control on in a trance-like state, Eric Prydz' Call on Me on repeat, where maybe, just maybe, some speedster doing 85 mph would pass me on the right. After the Big L was shot at me, I would nod and salute the driver, acknowledging my mistake, and then I would promptly move over to the right lane, never to repeat the mistake again.

Imagine all the collective minutes over time we could all add on to our lives if we just followed this simple rule! Plus the reduced stress! Let’s make it happen.

On a side note, if you ever seen a jeep wrangler on the highway with the top and doors off, it is very likely that sucker couldn't go 65 mph hour even if it wanted to unless it was travelling with the wind so ease up and be kind to our safety and aerodynamic hating friends, it’s not their fault they can't keep up with the flow of traffic....as long as they stay in the right lane of course.