I’d like to take a moment to rant about earwigs. I hate them.
The other day, I went to put a Netflix in the mailbox and three earwigs jumped out and attacked my hand. It sent shivers down my spine in the same way that picking up dog poop in the backyard after several days of heavy rain has matted it down to the grass. It’s an unpleasant experience to say the least.
At work yesterday, I went into a five minute trance just thinking about how much I despise those little creatures. I then googled earwigs to find more ammunition to hate them. It turns out that they have the gift of flight. Well that’s…just…GREAT.
Seriously, was God bored on the eighth day and decide He wanted to get creative and make the grossest bug possible? Elongated body? Check. Hard shell to make them difficult to squish? Check. A bunch of stupid legs and antennae? Check. Wings? Sure, why not? Let’s get throw some big ass pinchers on that cocksucker too while we’re at it and call it a day.
It’s ironic because I just finished a book that made me think about bugs in a whole new perspective. SPOILER ALERT (Don’t read on Joe and/or Dude) the book is Stephen King’s latest called Under the Dome, a destined to-be classic. Essentially the story is about a small town that suddenly gets enveloped by an impenetrable glass dome. The town’s corrupt official creates a police state and everything goes to hell within a week.
It’s later revealed that the dome was created by alien kids from another dimension that were just messing around, the analogy made in the book is that it was equivalent to a bunch of kids on a playground lighting an anthill on fire with a magnifying glass, but this time the town was the anthill. It’s entirely plausible if you think about. In any case, there were only about 20 pages of about 1,080 dedicated to the sci-fi aspect; it’s more about how the town copes being cut off from society. Awesome book, great summer read.
After reading it, I thought wow, I’ll never look an anthill the same way again. I’m just going to live and let live from here on out.
But I don’t think Stephen King had earwigs in mind when he wrote Under the Dome. I think he would agree that regardless of whether or not earwigs are capable of rational thought with complex societal structures, they are just too disgusting to not get squished with a ping pong paddle when I saw one scurry across the basement floor the other day.
7 comments:
I Got a shout-out to discontinue reading. I ignored it.
You didn't really give away the plot, and if we know anything about Steve King, he isn't the greatest finisher in the world.
He'll take you on a magical trip, time and time again, no doubt, but when it comes time to end, he just kinda kicks you out of the car.
Also, Earwigs < Mosquitos.
Yeah thats a good synopsis, Dude. Great starter, not a great finisher. DT 5,6,and 7...what a trainwreck...
I don't understand Earwigs < Mosquitos. Does that mean mosquitos are more worse than earwigs, or earwigs are less good than mosquitos?
Why would a banana need to grab another banana?
My brothers widow...it's fucked up.
I give mosquitos 8 thumbs down.
It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
I wish I had 4 hands so I could give mosquitos 4 thumbs down.
These are the kinds of questions I don't want to answer.
Worst than earwigs!!!!!!!!!!!! Japanese Beatles!!!!! No animals eat them, there are about eight million in the Midwest, there hard to kill, they pinch and they exude an Oder. There the WORST!
Ask JD
Lol
abs
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