I'm engaged...

…to 1943 Sandy Springs Road, DePere, WI. Well, Town of Lawrence technically, just north of the Highland Ridge golf course. In any case, the consummation is scheduled for the end of the month at which point I will be married to this location for the long, unforeseeable future.

Marriage is a lot like buying a house. You are pretty much saying, I’m not going to stray on you, municipality, I’m here for you for the long term. With commitment comes stability, a sense of community, pride of ownership, and most importantly, you won’t have to pack and move as much and I HATE packing and moving almost as much as I hate pennies, earwigs, and Packer bye weeks.

The downside of getting married/buying a house is that you also lose your freedom, which is scary for anybody, especially in this economy. You can’t chase new job opportunities, or conversely, your job choices are way narrower if you are stuck in one location. Plus property taxes are a bitch.

Sure, you can always cheat. I cheated on my old ball and chain in Madison when I temporarily moved into that hussy of an apartment in Los Angeles last year. I had my reasons though. My house wanted to leak in the basement during heavy rain. I DIDN’T want it to do that. It resulted in a three year, bitter entanglement going through multiple realtors before we were finally able to divorce.

That was a bittersweet day for me. Despite our differences over the years, I only remember the good times. [Tear].

The place I am getting now is kind of like hooking up with a super hot chick way out of my league because I pounced on her while she was crying at the bar because her way more successful, douche bag boyfriend just dumped her a few hours ago i.e. I’m getting a foreclosed property. With enough time, said super hot chick would find another more successful boyfriend to be with, but my timing was better and I picked her up when her self esteem was at a temporary all-time low. Hoorah for me, I’m like that Keith Stone guy.

My only hang up is that there is a musty smell throughout the house. In other words, my baby might have a Chlamydia infection. The doctor/home inspector is checking it out on Tuesday, if there is clean bill of health, I’m going to boat this bass.

I really like this house. It’s a got a big ol’ round, beautiful backyard, just the way I like em’. Feel free to interpret that last sentence any way you want.

Okay, so wish me luck, this is going to be a big month for me. Hopefully all goes well, and I can have a reception aka a house warming party soon. Full kegger.



My bride to be. I hope everything works out for us but I'm not worried. Like a lot of men, if I start making more money, I can always trade for something younger and better looking.