I do realize I go out of my way to make myself damn near unmarketable to the opposite sex. I don’t why I make dating so difficult for myself but I do. I think its because instead of waiting for that one special someone out there for me, I’ve decided to start with every girl in the world and weed them out one by one until I find that last remaining magical special person just for me. Romantic, I am.
Test Number 1:
When I find woman that I would consider a keeper, I am going to drop the following bomb. I am going to offer her a thousand dollars cash for the privilege of never having to buy a greeting card for her ever again. No Birthdays, Anniversaries, not even the sham of all holidays, Valentines Day. Before you say Ben, you cheap worthless bastard; hear me out.
If I love this woman, I am going to go beyond the call of duty to make sure she knows it. I will be more than happy to give her nice thoughtful gifts on those holidays. I am even more than willing to express my thoughts and feelings or whatever she wants to hear on some nice stationary. Fine. Great. I expect this.
I just don’t need some jerkass from Hallmark to tell me I need to shill out five bones to say I love you. That’s their whole gimic. There wouldn’t be a greeting card industry if they didn’t stamp the price on the back of those cards. “Oh honey, thanks for the card but I guess you only love me $3 dollars worth and not $4 or $5 dollars worth. No ass for you tonight.” Bite me, corporate stooge at American Greetings. I’m on to your scam and I intend to bring down your conspiracy like the house of cards that it is.
The truth is, all you really care about the personal message inside anyway. And I don’t have to scramble around at the 11th hour buying a card and waiting in line with all the other suckers. AND you get a thousand bucks. Buy yourself some nice ear rings or shoes or whatever. Who loves you, baby?
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