I am an original disciple of the Bubble Gum Punk revolution

You are not a punk rocker.

I hate to burst your bubble but listening to Blink 182 and Good Charlotte does not mean you are into punk. Don’t get me wrong. I love the genre. I enjoy those soapy lyrics and juicy guitar hooks just as much as the next pre-pubescent teen. But let’s get the facts straight.

Before you take heed of my words you should probably know I’m not underground music listening hipster guy with a vendetta against corporate rock. Far from it. But I know a thing or two what constitutes punk.

Punk is something you would never hear on the radio. It’s something that would never be recorded in a fancy studio with fancy bells and whistles added in post production. Punk is having a shaved head and stomping the shit out of someone wearing steel toed boots at a Sex Pistols concert. That’s about as simple as I can explain it.

Enter 2005. I recently attended a Green Day concert here in town. I was a little confused at when I first got there. What the hell were all these rugrats doing here? Is fucking Raffi in town? Maybe there was a different Alliant Energy Colliseum in Madison that I supposed to be at? I was clearly the oldest person in the crowd with the exception of the chaperones in the top bleachers (those kids need a ride home somehow, I suppose). Although it was a huge boost to my ego beating the crap out of a bunch of toddlers in the “mosh pit” as it were, I realized this was the end of an era.

It’s not all sad though. I enjoy both worlds of rock. If Zeppelin were a four course meal for your lobes, then Simple Plan would be the equivalent of taking one of those awesome bags of flavored sugar you used to eat as a kid and pouring it directly down your ear canal. Thanks to MTV, we can complete the analogy by taking that weird sugar paddle spoon thingy and jamming into your eye. Both are great, whatever you are in the mood for.

I'm getting a little preachy here, so I'm just going to shut up and let you keep on a boppin’ along to your high octane bubble gum punk if that’s what does it for you. Just do us all a favor and take off that ridiculous Ramones T-shirt. Joey Ramone doesn’t want you wearing it and neither do I.