Some of you may have noticed a recent update to my Facebook profile. Under my profile, you will notice that I went from being single to being in a relationship. Hard to believe but that is NOT an error.
I have a gf now and I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious, I guess. We went from boyfriend/girlfriend to boyfriend/girlfriend on Facebook in less than two days. Holy shit, right? I’ve never been this exclusive with someone since the inception of Facebook which briefly made me super depressed.
I propose Facebook should come up with some broader categories in the relationship section in order for people like myself to at least be able to take some baby steps towards a normal healthy adult relationship.
1. Hopelessly Single – You’ve essentially given up on the dating scene and are wearing sweatpants to the bars. That bar is probably Cropseys. It might be because of job loss or because you live with the ‘rents or some combination of the two. In any case, this state of singleness describes my last summer.
2. Work in Progress – I would describe this stage as anyone single in college or in they’re early 20’s. Basically it means you are single and are looking to hook up or maybe have a summer fling, but let’s face it, you have no money, no time, and your mindset is improving your flip cup game rather than going to dinner and a movie on a Friday night.
3. Actively Single – You are up for an exclusive relationship and are basically out and about, putting out vibe every weekend. Includes anyone subscribing to match.com.
4. Inbetweener – This stage is when you are dating someone that you know is not going to pan out in the long term so you just kind of half ass it. Examples include dating an intern or a college kid. Could be lust based. I’m an expert in this category as it generally sums up love life from 2006-2008.
5. Back and Forth – This one is kind of tricky. It means you are single but you are really focused on someone and you swear they like you too because you’ve been texting back and forth but he or she was out of town one weekend and you got too drunk the last weekend but it’s just a matter of time before you both get together under ideal circumstances and finally hook up. Where it goes from there, no one knows, but you have to get it out of your system.
6. Friends with Benefits – You harbor no illusions of getting into a serious relationship and are simply hooking up after bar time. For many men, this category is also called the Holy Grail.
7. Kinda Sorta – You’ve been dating someone and you think it might be exclusive and it’s probably implied that it is exclusive but you haven’t had the “define the relationship” talk yet.
On a side note, Facebook does give you an It’s Complicated but personally, I find it way too broad. It covers my last four categories and they are all very unique. It’s too much of a cop out and it needs to go.
Okay, I’m having a lot of fun with this post but I got some shit I gotta do today like lift weights so I’ll continue these relationship status categories in my next post.
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