Rogaine Continued...

I think a recap of my last post regarding my fear of a receding hairline can best be visualized by recalling the climatic battle in The Patriot starring Mel Gibson.

If you don’t remember, the Americans had dug their feet in the ground and were doing a damn fine job fending off the Brits because they were pissed off that Lucious Malfoy burned down their church with all the people in it. But then the Red Coats started to bring the pain for some reason and America had to retreat but this did not sit well with Mel Gibson. So Mel Gibson yells to this one guy, “Give me that flag, you jagweed!” and he starts waving around the American flag causing a frenzy and eventually the Americans come charging back and Mel Gibson bayonets Malfoy and that’s basically how the Revolutionary War was won.

So what I’m trying to say is that America is my hair, the damn Brits are my forehead, and Mel Gibson is what I want Rogaine to be.

I hope that makes sense. If it doesn’t, go back and re-read that second paragraph, but this time, imagine that Billy Madison is explaining it to you in front of a Knibb High class assembly. That trick works for me all the time.

What is the investment going to cost? Well, I found a good deal on drugstore.com for $50.00 for a 3 month supply according to the directions. But I later found out that Rogaine is supposed to be used for the top of your scalp only and there is no guarantee that it will work on your hairline. I was kind of pissed but then I read some user comments and people were swearing that it worked on the hairline but these same people also swore that it smelled like shit but I think it smells just fine so I don’t know what to believe.

In any case, I started the regime and have used less than a half bottle over three weeks since I’m only using it on my hairline and not my scalp. The hair was supposed to fall out and then grow back stronger in the first few weeks but so far it has done jack squat. I’m fine with that though. No news is good news when it comes to hair loss.

I think I’m going to keep using Rogaine regardless of what happens. At the rate I’m using it, it will only cost $100 a year and that’s pretty cheap for a little peace of mind and higher self esteem. And if I start losing the receding hair battle, at least I can say I went down swinging.

In the mean time, I’m going to quit wearing hats, start brushing my hair an hour to day to strengthen the hair follicles, and according to one ancient Egyptian hair loss remedy I found on the internet, find a virgin to rub pigeon poop on my scalp. Does anyone know a virgin with an excess supply of pigeon poop?


Actually, I stole this shirt from Frank!