What's Scarier On a Plane? Snakes or Fat People?

I know this story is already a week old but it had been on mind for quite some time. Last week Kevin Smith was kicked off a Southwest plane for being too fat. This isn’t exactly a new phenomenon, for many years now obese people have been paying for two tickets in order to fly and I think that is perfectly legit but this latest story has me concerned for two reasons.

First, I don’t think Kevin Smith is THAT fat. Sure, he’s kind of husky but I wouldn’t classify him in the his ass has his own congressman category where his rolls are spilling out in aisles and adjacent seats and what not. I’m sure he is quick enough to get out of his seat in case of an emergency, too.

To tell you the truth, I can conceivably see myself getting as fat as Kevin Smith someday. If I won the powerball or when Jumping the Shark surpasses Avatar in gross domestic proceeds at the box office or if I got married, then I would totally let myself go to Silent Bob-like proportions. But the humiliation of missing a flight because of a fondness for DCB’s worries me.

Bottom line, Kevin Smith should have gotten kicked off that plane for making Clerks II, not because he is a tubby bastard.

Second reason for concern, nothing to do with Kevin Smith, but the last time I flew, there was a delay because they needed someone to take another flight because the aircraft had exceeded some kind of weight restriction.

What the hell is that about? You mean the difference between lifting off safely or barreling off the runway and suffering a horrific fiery death is a couple hundred pounds? That’s the margin of error!? I’m sorry but that is terrifying.

What if you were on a flight and the majority of passengers were on-average, 10 lbs overweight? Not difficult to imagine since we are from America and we invented this thing:



If the plane could seat 100 people, then the aircraft could potentially be 1000 lbs overweight. You could kick a couple of people off and still be f’ed. I don’t like that. I don’t like that one bit.