Let me give you a little background here before you just go diving in head first into my deepest, most personal thoughts from eleven years ago.
The year is 1995. I just started Parkview Middle School after transferring from Edison Middle School on the east side of Green Bay. I was kind of chubby, my voice cracked after every other syllable that sputtered out of my mouth, and my mother still dressed me with hand-me-down clothes from God knows where. Add to the fact that middle schoolers are generally just evil and ruthless to any kid different in any sort of way and you’ll get a fairly accurate idea of the mentality that I was in.
My journal was a way to vent my frustrations with the world and to sort out any other random idea I had in my head at the time. I suppose I could have talked it out with Zak Mott and Mike Petresek, who were my best friends at the time, but I’m pretty sure they were only using me so they could play with my Sega CD.
The best way I can describe my journal is to paint you a picture of a typical entry. Imagine me sprawled out on my bedroom floor with my notebook, Zak and Mike are playing Sewer Shark, completely indifferent that I’m even in the room, and Weezer, the Blue Album, is playing at full volume in the background.
Okay, I know you’re all dying to see my list (dated April 1, 1994) so here it is. Keep in mind that the page before this list contained a map that I drew of where all the popular kids sat in the cafeteria and the page after this list contained schematics for a water balloon bazooka:
First of all, if you’re a girl from the AHS graduating class of 2000 and you’re reading this blog post right now, I’m sorry you didn’t make the cut. In all honesty here, it was probably because you didn’t have any boobs yet. What can I say? I was really immature at the time.
Secondly, yup, Katie Knott. She was the only girl I knew going in to Parkview because she went to my church. When I first started my journal, I basically transcribed, verbatim, every dialogue exchanged between the two of us during band practice. Then I would write about what song we performed in percussion and how well I played. It was not compelling writing to say the least, but I got progressively better at capturing my thoughts as the drama of 7th grade unfolded before me.
Third, the Word of the Day. I concluded all my entries with a word of the day. Sometimes the word of the day had enormous reverence to the journal entry preceding it, sometimes it was an obscure reference to The State on MTV. I’m guessing in this case, I was leaning towards the latter.
Well, I hope you enjoyed Part I of Shit That Happened to Me in 7th Grade. Even if you never had the privilege of attending Parkview Middle School, I hope you can appreciate the universal themes of surviving that hellish period in life known as puberty.
More to come in the next few months…
Alright, alright, I know you all want to see the map of where the cool kids sat at lunch time. You didn’t actually think I would hint about something THAT funny and not post it, now did you?
Hey, look at this motley assortment of characters!
This photo has gotten pretty dinged up over the years. I'm still not sure why I poked holes in my own eyes. I was probably lashing out at the world because my mom wouldn't buy me the Gibaud jeans and Cool Water cologne that was neccesary for me to fit in with the cool crowd.
9 comments:
Firstly, if half of a chicken laid half of an egg in half of a day, how long would it take a left-footed gerbil to kick all the seeds out of a watermelon?
Answer: Buffaloes don't eat lettuce.
Secondly, this is fucking amazing, I do believe I will be digging out my journal tonight.
Did you know...
I think it's Monday nights at Jenna's (new-ish hipster bar by the capital) there is an open mic night solely for reading out of your middle school/high school journal...
I think this would be good material.
PS--I know we didn't have a ton of homework in middle school, but the time it took you to make that map might say that your science teacher wasn't giving you enough labs to do...
3, 6, Niner... Here we go again!!! Sewer Shark was a great game, and yes, I was using you for your sega cd. It's amazing that you still have that journal. Finally, in that picture, it is very hard to tell you and Aaron Stazak apart.
Oh good old middle school.....I also possed a journal of the hotest boys. I rated them based on how cute they were. All of my girlfriends would come over and we would stay up all night each taking a turn to read out loud whom we thought was cute. We giggled quite a bit, and yes we would look up there number call and ask for them, hear his voice and hang up. All while we wide opened mouth giggled and felt a flutter in our hearts for these boys. Thank you god for no *69 or caller ID or I would have gotten busted with all of my crushes. I hated middle school, high school rocked though.
keep blogging away-
you need to get this published somehow!
When you made that map did you include an asterisk in the corner of the room indicating where I sat and ate my boogers....oh wait...that was 6th grade...my bad.
I can't believe you still have that journal....you're my role model...
You have to seriously be one of the funniest kids I have ever met. Seriously the funniest. Although I didn't make the top 10 list I got nothin' but love for you brother!
Wow, Ben-I never knew the things I said during band class were recorded, I hope I was nice!If only my crush on you would have matched up with yours on me... it would have been a 7th grade romance made in heavan. You are still cracking me up - we'll always have confirmation class...
Ben, Very impressive. Although I have tried to block out Parkview completely, this was a great look back. If only you knew what I wrote in my journal about our walks from the bus stop 7th and 8th...
People still use me for my Atari. I feel you.
This, and the comment prior to it, are via Carrie Tucker. It's nice to know you're still funnier than shit.
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