The Return of Wonderbat

Sorry sorry sorry, I know its been a really long time since my last post and I hate to lose any of the small momentum I’ve gained so far but this is always a busy time of year for me.

I did not write last weekend, because I was, once again, fighting off a contingent of whitetail deer in the Florence County region of Wisconsin. Once again, I kept the hostiles at bay with my Browning 270 WSM but I think I may have done TOO good of a job defending our great state because not one single deer appeared to attack me.

It’s okay though, actually shooting a deer ranks about fourth on my favorite aspects of the deer hunting experience with binge drinking, playing poker, and not showering for five days rounding out the top three reasons why deer camp is awesome.

Then I did the Black Friday shopping experience yesterday for the first time.

Never. Again.

I already hate shopping as it is, I don’t need that hatred compounded by people cramming me in aisles, sitting in check out lines ten people deep, or spending twenty minutes trying to get out the Dicks Sporting Goods parking lot. That shopping center was pure bedlam yesterday.

But I did emerge from the carnage victoriously with a ST3000 competition-grade ping pong table for $229, regularly priced at $500. So basically I got the greatest deal of all time and I’ll finally be able to practice regularly so I can beat the greatest ping pong player in the tri-state area, that player being my brother, Joey Wollin. He's good. Maybe the best.

So far I am undefeated on my new table but if we're being honest here, I’ve only played against three opponents: Greg, Rim, and myself when I play against the wall. So far the only real challenge has been myself, I really know how to get into my head and exploit my inconsistent forearm smash.

So between all the hunting, Thanksgivinging, shopping, and ping ponging, I’ve just been crazy busy so sorry about that.

Oh yeah, I got a job this week too. I start Monday. More on that next week.


If anyone dares to challenge me and my Wonderbat, you know where to find me.

1498 Glen: Magic in the Making

Please evaluate the following:

A down-on-his-luck nerd is forced to move back to his hometown and share a house with a jock that formally tormented him throughout high school.

Is the following statement
A. an upcoming sitcom slated for NBC’s mid season line up or
B. my current living situation?

If you guessed A, you would be incorrect.

So yeah, I moved in with Greg “You got a fuckin’ dart in your neck, man” Altmann about six weeks ago.

And I’m exaggerating that first statement, of course. Greg and I were actually pretty decent friends in high school with the exception of the occasional Wollin Beatdown but EVERYONE participated in those so I really can’t hold that against him.

Oh. And one time he threw me into a stack of lunch trays and another time, he forced me to walk home from the airport without shoes in the middle of winter as mentioned in this previous post.

But Greg totally redeemed himself because our house is great and really cheap and Cheese digs it and best of all, it got me out of my parents place.

I should also mention that Greg did attempt to pick me up last night when I thought it would be a good idea to walk home from Anduzzi’s but idiot me decided to stumble down Lombardi to Shady instead of just stumbling down Cormier like any sane person would do so he's off the hook for the airport incident.

Mike Servais still owes me for that one, however.

As far as chores go, I do all the dishes and mow the lawn and in exchange, Greg does NOT force me to watch an old VHS tape of his quarterback highlights from our varsity football season. It’s a great system.

Apparently Greg also has a tape of the 1999 Bay Conference Shrine Bowl in its entirety but I think he is saving that for winter if I don’t shovel the driveway.

So that’s where I am living these days. Come swing by and I’ll be happy to give you a tour and maybe we can play some SNES Mario Kart but I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time. We have a drum set too but it’s shitty.


If you come visit on a Saturday night, there’s a good chance you could win our traveling Rummy 500 trophy. It’s got a karate guy on top so you know it’s good.

First Things First

My first order of business is to talk about the 800 lb gorilla in the room i.e. my take on this whole Brett Favre dominating in Minnesota thing that’s going on right now. Obviously I could write a book on the subject but you’ve heard all the arguments so I’m going to skip all that and go right to the heart of the matter.

How do I feel about my boyhood and currently manhood idol playing for my most hated team in the NFL?

To use an analogy, it feels a lot like how I first felt about that chick from the progressive auto insurance commercials. The first time I saw those commercials, I thought, “wow, this chick is REALLY obnoxious. What network wonk decided this bubble head was fit for prime time television?”

But after a few months, she started to grow on me and now I have a crush on her a little bit because I can’t look away whenever she’s on the tube. I can’t quite put my finger on it, perhaps it’s her expressive facial features and her brimming optimism. Or maybe it’s because she likes to save money and is kind of busty.

Whatever it is, I’m down. I can’t wait to see what kind of zany adventures lay ahead for progressive auto chick.


I’d like to see her challenge that googly eyed stack of cash in the Octagon for total auto insurance domination. Not gonna happen though. Not her style. She would more likely become friends with it and lower its monthly premium.


Anyways, that’s how I kind of feel about Brett Favre. Make sense?

It’s clear that Brett Favre is a very polarizing figure in Wisconsin. You’d have a more cordial Thanksgiving discussing the pros and cons of abortion at the dinner table than you would talking about Brett Favre’s trade to the Vikings.

But in today’s era, with the popularity of fantasy football, it is becoming more and more acceptable to be a fan of individual players while still supporting your favorite team. I don’t see why it has to be contentious to root for Brett Favre and still be a Packer fan.

Even harder still, despite the fact that the Vikings are coached by someone who looks like and probably is a rapist, that team has a lot of likable characters. It’s hard not to like Adrian Peterson or Jared Allen, they are such ferocious competitors and they are the best in the league at their respective positions. And they’re not assholes about it so that makes them okay in my book.

I’ll go back to hating the Vikings once Brett Favre is gone (and especially if Cris Carter remains an analyst at ESPN) but until then, I’m going to root for both teams and I’m not going to feel guilty about it.



Vikings Head Coach, Brad Childress, doing a “different” kind of scouting at the local park.

Fuck It. Brain Litter Is Back.

Yep. It’s back.

I couldn’t help being inspired by a certain hero of mine. You might have heard of him. This particular gentleman devoted his entire career to entertaining a generation of fans for countless years to a craft very few people could perform. But then one day, certain management said he was washed up, no good anymore, and he was banished from the place he was loved by all.

Night is always darkest before the dawn. Bound by determination and the strength of his convictions, this man among men returned to the spotlight and is now just…just absolutely crushin’ it out there.

Yes, Jay Leno’s comeback from the Tonight Show debacle is an inspiration for us all.

How could I NOT bring Brain Litter back from the depths of obscurity?

So let’s do some catching up. I got no job. I got no house. And my pet’s head is falling off.

Well not quite that last bit but things are looking relatively grim for ol’ Benny Wollin compared to one year ago today. But I’m cautiously optimistic for the future which is why I’m going to start writing again. To make a long story short, I’m looking for new ways to start taking back control of some of the things I lost and what better to start than by reclaiming my dominance in the blogosphere.

I’m going to mostly go back to the original Brain Litter formula so instead of being 25% funny / 75% adventure chronicling like Brain Litter California, it’s just going to be 100% funny again but I’m crossing my fingers it will be slightly more mature as I am a few years older and dealing with significant new obstacles.

No worries though, in addition to learning about the joys of unemployment, rest assured I won’t gloss over your favorite topics such as fast food, zombies, and hero worship of that wily new quarterback playing for the Minnesota Vikings.

Oh FYI Brain Litter is the now the official home of Ted Thompson hate mongering. A loss against the defeated Buccaneers!? Child please.