I’m super bored at work right now so I’m going to take a moment to reflect upon my reunion last weekend instead of trying to figure out the market rent for Class B office space downtown.
The beginning started off iffy at best. We showed up to Sidelines an hour after its official start and it was basically a dozen or so people lethargically sitting around the bar as if a funeral were in progress.
When I ponied up to the bar, I was praying that at any second a cheesy heavy metal riff would be heard and then two average joes with Hawaiian shirts and cool shades would pop into the party with coolers of ice cold beer and yell “we know what this party needs!” and then all of a sudden bikini-clad chicks would be dancing everywhere for some reason and everyone would start miraculously having a great time like some kind of cheesy 80’s beer commercial.
Yep , things were dire initially but then a lot more people trickled in, the music got louder, shots were had, the beer started to flow like wine and it just ended up being a really fun night in the end. No startling revelations, no harbored grudges, no coveting of my more successful classmates; it was just a good time with people I haven’t seen in a long time.
I hope more people show up to the next one, I don’t think there was enough representation from the sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, or dickheads but, oh well, I’ll cross my fingers for the 15 year reunion.
It’s weird, I remember vividly thinking in high school that my 10 year reunion was going to be a really big deal and that all the choices I made in school were someday going to really pay off at that particular point in time. Well the jury is still out on some of those choices but I know now that setting objectives towards an arbitrary date 10 years into the future is a pretty dumb way to measure a goal. Remind me to tell my future kids that lesson. Nevermind, I’m sure they won’t listen.
If I had to make one suggestion for next time, I would make awards for the attendees. For example, if there was a prize for the most drunk attendee, I would have to award that to…nah, I can’t say it, I’m going to take the high road here, after all I am a mature adult ten years out of high school. I’ll keep my opinions to myself.
Ok, if you must know, I’ll give you a hint, I won’t say their last name but it rhymes with “fails”.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Double Play Tuesday: Wednesday Addition
I swear this is the last post from me for awhile. I just figure going through all this film footage over the past week is going to be completely irrelevent again for another 10 years after this weekend so I might as well get it all out there before the reunion.
The source material from all of the youtube clips posted over the last few days come from a few movies I made when I was in 8th grade, my Speech I Video, Altmann's Speech I Video, an assignment from Mass Media class, an assignment for German class, and an assignment for English class.
I know I probably got carried away with all this but I haven't had this much fun goofing around since creating my first hypercard stack after a session of apprehending that elusive Carmen Sandiego in the old computer lab at Parkview.
The best part about this next video is the bit where Greg filmed a bunch of people wearing 3-D glasses. Greg had incredible foresight to capture this footage back in the day. Let me be the first to tell you that you will never hear the words "greg" and "foresight" uttered in the same sentence ever again; need I remind everyone of the ATM incident of Winter 2010.
A few stray observations:
1. Please don't look for any cohesion or unifying theme in the following clip; just a bunch of people doing random things.
2. Joe Barrie and/or Woody could host a talk show today and I would watch it.
3. Somebody notify the Academy about my tear-jerking performance in Preppy Massacre. I haven't seen better acting since Brett Favre chewed the scenery in There's Something About Mary.
4. I'm not sure if we were really making fun of Servais or if it was for a class project.
5. I can't believe I got Antonio Freeman to be in my videos. Wait, maybe that was Ding. I can't really tell.
Ok, that's all I got. Sorry if you didn't see yourself, I had limited materials to work with and I tried to get everybody I could. Laters.
The source material from all of the youtube clips posted over the last few days come from a few movies I made when I was in 8th grade, my Speech I Video, Altmann's Speech I Video, an assignment from Mass Media class, an assignment for German class, and an assignment for English class.
I know I probably got carried away with all this but I haven't had this much fun goofing around since creating my first hypercard stack after a session of apprehending that elusive Carmen Sandiego in the old computer lab at Parkview.
The best part about this next video is the bit where Greg filmed a bunch of people wearing 3-D glasses. Greg had incredible foresight to capture this footage back in the day. Let me be the first to tell you that you will never hear the words "greg" and "foresight" uttered in the same sentence ever again; need I remind everyone of the ATM incident of Winter 2010.
A few stray observations:
1. Please don't look for any cohesion or unifying theme in the following clip; just a bunch of people doing random things.
2. Joe Barrie and/or Woody could host a talk show today and I would watch it.
3. Somebody notify the Academy about my tear-jerking performance in Preppy Massacre. I haven't seen better acting since Brett Favre chewed the scenery in There's Something About Mary.
4. I'm not sure if we were really making fun of Servais or if it was for a class project.
5. I can't believe I got Antonio Freeman to be in my videos. Wait, maybe that was Ding. I can't really tell.
Ok, that's all I got. Sorry if you didn't see yourself, I had limited materials to work with and I tried to get everybody I could. Laters.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Montage Monday: Tuesday Edition
It's less than a week to go before the Ashwaubenon Class of 2000 gets together for...sigh...our 10 Year class reunion. It seems like it was only yesterday when we used to cruise around town aimlessly, looking for shit to do on the weekend.
Man, have things changed. Like this last Saturday...I...cruised around town aimlessly looking for shit to do.
Well some things may never change but I certainly look forward to seeing my old friends this weekend and drinking some beer. If you see me at Sidelines this Saturday, don't be afraid to come up to me to talk about Brain Litter. It's my favorite subject.
That being said, I got a couple of clips coming up that should provide some social lubricant between the awkward name forgetting and the stifling conversation disconnects between the "married with kids" people and the "people that haven't grown up at all yet" people.
Here is a montage of some of my greatest bits over the years when I was a young autuer. I highly recommend viewing this with the volume turned up. I know it's totally cliche but nothing really beats the 1812 Overture for good montage music.
Seriously, this thing ain't that funny without the volume.
Man, have things changed. Like this last Saturday...I...cruised around town aimlessly looking for shit to do.
Well some things may never change but I certainly look forward to seeing my old friends this weekend and drinking some beer. If you see me at Sidelines this Saturday, don't be afraid to come up to me to talk about Brain Litter. It's my favorite subject.
That being said, I got a couple of clips coming up that should provide some social lubricant between the awkward name forgetting and the stifling conversation disconnects between the "married with kids" people and the "people that haven't grown up at all yet" people.
Here is a montage of some of my greatest bits over the years when I was a young autuer. I highly recommend viewing this with the volume turned up. I know it's totally cliche but nothing really beats the 1812 Overture for good montage music.
Seriously, this thing ain't that funny without the volume.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Attack of the Ninja Alien
I bought a new Mac about a month ago because those clever Justin Long commercials finally got the best of me so now I am officially a cool, sensible Mac guy. I thought it would be an easy transition because Apple builds all their stuff so intuitively but it has been a rough start so far. In an effort to stream line their keyboard, they have eliminated some of my favorite buttons and moved them too close together which has been a frustrating ordeal to say the least.
But one thing those geeks at Apple have nailed is iMovie. Getting my old VHS tapes transferred to my computer was an arduous task but once I got them on there, I felt like a young Scorsese or a young Spielberg or even a young McG. I can only imagine the movies I would have made back in the day if I had access to this technology.
The closest thing I had to piecing together movie clips was doing a single take, stopping, then taping the tv screen of a different clip I wanted, stopping, and then resuming whatever nonsense I was filming at the time. It was bootleg but it got the job done. Now the editing is just click and drag. It could not be any easier.
For your viewing enjoyment, in a Brain Litter segment I like to call “Shit I Made With a Crappy Video Camera Before I Discovered Girls,” I present to you Attack of the Ninja Aliens.
Some of you may remember this video when it debuted in Ms. Prevost homeroom in 1996. The original version had no sound except for my mom yelling for Doogie at the end credits but I added sound effects to this version to complete the original vision that I started with. I tried to remain faithful to the mentality I had at the time. I asked myself questions like, “Would 8th grade Ben approve of a popping cork sound when the alien bites the head off the lego guy?”
The answer is a resolute yes. A thousand times yes.
Now before you cry foul and get all George Lucas on me for altering a classic piece of cinema, please be reminded that I totally would have added these sound effects if I had the means at the time. Also, I did not make Greedo shoot first and Jar Jar Binks is nowhere to be found in this film.
I’ve got a couple other videos that are going to make perfect additions to this new Brain Litter segment. If you were concerned that there weren’t enough people falling down the stairs in this last bit, rest assured, a montage will be coming to a future blog post near you.
Oh. And in case you were hankering for a futuristic version of Romeo and Juliet Act III Scene 1, a remake of the Tom Green Show starring Joe Barrie, or choreographed fight sequences from dudes who can teleport, then yup, you are soon to be in luck.
But one thing those geeks at Apple have nailed is iMovie. Getting my old VHS tapes transferred to my computer was an arduous task but once I got them on there, I felt like a young Scorsese or a young Spielberg or even a young McG. I can only imagine the movies I would have made back in the day if I had access to this technology.
The closest thing I had to piecing together movie clips was doing a single take, stopping, then taping the tv screen of a different clip I wanted, stopping, and then resuming whatever nonsense I was filming at the time. It was bootleg but it got the job done. Now the editing is just click and drag. It could not be any easier.
For your viewing enjoyment, in a Brain Litter segment I like to call “Shit I Made With a Crappy Video Camera Before I Discovered Girls,” I present to you Attack of the Ninja Aliens.
Some of you may remember this video when it debuted in Ms. Prevost homeroom in 1996. The original version had no sound except for my mom yelling for Doogie at the end credits but I added sound effects to this version to complete the original vision that I started with. I tried to remain faithful to the mentality I had at the time. I asked myself questions like, “Would 8th grade Ben approve of a popping cork sound when the alien bites the head off the lego guy?”
The answer is a resolute yes. A thousand times yes.
Now before you cry foul and get all George Lucas on me for altering a classic piece of cinema, please be reminded that I totally would have added these sound effects if I had the means at the time. Also, I did not make Greedo shoot first and Jar Jar Binks is nowhere to be found in this film.
I’ve got a couple other videos that are going to make perfect additions to this new Brain Litter segment. If you were concerned that there weren’t enough people falling down the stairs in this last bit, rest assured, a montage will be coming to a future blog post near you.
Oh. And in case you were hankering for a futuristic version of Romeo and Juliet Act III Scene 1, a remake of the Tom Green Show starring Joe Barrie, or choreographed fight sequences from dudes who can teleport, then yup, you are soon to be in luck.
Friday, June 04, 2010
Sack Tappings: Public Epidemic or Really Fun Way to Pass the Time?
Extra! Extra! Todd Smells!
I’m sure you probably already knew that. But what I bet you DIDN’T know is that sack tapping amongst teenagers is on the rise. Don’t believe this me? Check it.
Injuries for "sack-tapping" on the rise, Doctors say.
I’ve got a lot to say on the subject of sack tapping.
First, sack tapping is a time honored tradition right up there with atomic wedgies, pitching somebody’s tricep-area arm fat to leave a big bruise, and getting bubble gum mashed into your hair and periodically having your pads thrown out of a backseat window on North Road while driving to football practice. These ancient rituals are a proven method to prepare boys for the real world.
Second, if you can think of a better way to punish the loser of a round of hacky sack then I would heh heh heh certainly like to hear it.
Third, don’t call it “groin-punching” because that makes it sound lame and it takes away all the fun. Acceptable names besides sack tapping are as follows: sack attacking, sack slapping, testicle tapping, nut knocking, roshambo, cup checks, or goosing (if getting sack attacked from behind).
Fourth, the article is bunk. If anything, instances of sack tapping are dangerously low. The accompanying pie chart in the article is a perfect illustration. Almost 70% of urologists are NOT reporting sack tappings. That is scary. What are these quacks doing if they are not treating sack attacks. Pulverizing Kidney stones!? Yeah right.
Fifth, there are positive signs that instances of sack tapping may turn around in the foreseeable future. I have extrapolated the emergency room data mentioned in the article between 2007 and 2009. The average increase year over year is 21% which should get us to healthy amount of sack tappings by 2030, God willing.
Sixth, this has nothing to do with the article but I found a wallet last night on the sidewalk downtown and I hoping someone would claim it. I took a picture and it’s posted below, you just have to scroll down because there is something wrong with my Google Blogger. The page breaks are all messed up…
BAM! Got you, sucker! You know what to do next…
I’m sure you probably already knew that. But what I bet you DIDN’T know is that sack tapping amongst teenagers is on the rise. Don’t believe this me? Check it.
Injuries for "sack-tapping" on the rise, Doctors say.
I’ve got a lot to say on the subject of sack tapping.
First, sack tapping is a time honored tradition right up there with atomic wedgies, pitching somebody’s tricep-area arm fat to leave a big bruise, and getting bubble gum mashed into your hair and periodically having your pads thrown out of a backseat window on North Road while driving to football practice. These ancient rituals are a proven method to prepare boys for the real world.
Second, if you can think of a better way to punish the loser of a round of hacky sack then I would heh heh heh certainly like to hear it.
Third, don’t call it “groin-punching” because that makes it sound lame and it takes away all the fun. Acceptable names besides sack tapping are as follows: sack attacking, sack slapping, testicle tapping, nut knocking, roshambo, cup checks, or goosing (if getting sack attacked from behind).
Fourth, the article is bunk. If anything, instances of sack tapping are dangerously low. The accompanying pie chart in the article is a perfect illustration. Almost 70% of urologists are NOT reporting sack tappings. That is scary. What are these quacks doing if they are not treating sack attacks. Pulverizing Kidney stones!? Yeah right.
Fifth, there are positive signs that instances of sack tapping may turn around in the foreseeable future. I have extrapolated the emergency room data mentioned in the article between 2007 and 2009. The average increase year over year is 21% which should get us to healthy amount of sack tappings by 2030, God willing.
Sixth, this has nothing to do with the article but I found a wallet last night on the sidewalk downtown and I hoping someone would claim it. I took a picture and it’s posted below, you just have to scroll down because there is something wrong with my Google Blogger. The page breaks are all messed up…
BAM! Got you, sucker! You know what to do next…
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Shout Outs to people, LOST and Shout Outs to LOST -
OK, this is going to be combo post dedicated to both LOST and to an official new Brain Litter policy where I’m going to give shout outs to anyone that gives me a compliment about my blog, because I have a big ego and it makes me feel damn good when someone says they enjoy my writing and I want to encourage that kind of behavior when I’m out and about.
For instance, I was talking to MICHELLE STEFENS the other night and she gave me a real nice compliment about how she once printed off a post to show a co-worker my ideas for Facebook relationship updates. I told her I would express my gratitude by having her Brain Littered with capital letters and a bold font.
Again, I was talking to VANG the other week at Cropseys and he too told me that he really likes my blog, especially the high school reminiscing I get into sometimes. So, to return the favor, I want to post this sexy picture of him from this one time we went up north.
The caption for this photo is “Sexy Vang SMOLDERS after presumably, a long, passionate night of love making. Sorry ladies, this side of beef is no longer on the market”.
See how this works?
ERIC KIVI gets one, too, he’s a long time reader, long time complimentor. Unfortunately, I do not have sexy photos of him I can post from high school. At least I did not put him at the nerd table on my middle school map of the lunchroom so I guess that is something to be happy about.
I wish Vanlieshout would compliment me more because I have LOT’s of good photos of him. Like this one.
Being roommates freshmen year does have its advantages, I must say. This picture must have been very important because this was taken before the digital camera heyday where you actually had to spend money to have something like this developed and then scanned onto a computer.
Okay, on to LOST.
I’m starting to like the finale a lot more now that I think about. I wish the show had a more ambiguous ending so it could be interpreted in different ways, but the ending was pretty cut and dry. Everyone lived happily ever after, and I guess I’m okay with that. I liked all the characters on the show and I like that they all got a shot at redemption so they could rest peacefully in the afterlife. We should all be so lucky. It would also be nice to have a cute yellow lab at my side when I realize the final truth. That’s the way to go.
I found myself spending a lot of time reading other people’s reviews and observations these past few weeks. I have devoted a lot of time and thought to LOST and I don’t want to say goodbye to it just yet. Between The Wire and LOST, these were easily the best two dramas of the last decade.
But I’m sure I will find something else to occupy my time. That Pawn Stars is pretty good. It will do for now.
For instance, I was talking to MICHELLE STEFENS the other night and she gave me a real nice compliment about how she once printed off a post to show a co-worker my ideas for Facebook relationship updates. I told her I would express my gratitude by having her Brain Littered with capital letters and a bold font.
Again, I was talking to VANG the other week at Cropseys and he too told me that he really likes my blog, especially the high school reminiscing I get into sometimes. So, to return the favor, I want to post this sexy picture of him from this one time we went up north.
The caption for this photo is “Sexy Vang SMOLDERS after presumably, a long, passionate night of love making. Sorry ladies, this side of beef is no longer on the market”.
See how this works?
ERIC KIVI gets one, too, he’s a long time reader, long time complimentor. Unfortunately, I do not have sexy photos of him I can post from high school. At least I did not put him at the nerd table on my middle school map of the lunchroom so I guess that is something to be happy about.
I wish Vanlieshout would compliment me more because I have LOT’s of good photos of him. Like this one.
Being roommates freshmen year does have its advantages, I must say. This picture must have been very important because this was taken before the digital camera heyday where you actually had to spend money to have something like this developed and then scanned onto a computer.
Okay, on to LOST.
I’m starting to like the finale a lot more now that I think about. I wish the show had a more ambiguous ending so it could be interpreted in different ways, but the ending was pretty cut and dry. Everyone lived happily ever after, and I guess I’m okay with that. I liked all the characters on the show and I like that they all got a shot at redemption so they could rest peacefully in the afterlife. We should all be so lucky. It would also be nice to have a cute yellow lab at my side when I realize the final truth. That’s the way to go.
I found myself spending a lot of time reading other people’s reviews and observations these past few weeks. I have devoted a lot of time and thought to LOST and I don’t want to say goodbye to it just yet. Between The Wire and LOST, these were easily the best two dramas of the last decade.
But I’m sure I will find something else to occupy my time. That Pawn Stars is pretty good. It will do for now.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I Don't Understand Porn for Women
So I recently read this article on MSN that said that pornography use among women has spiked in recent years and that support groups are forming all over the country to help women deal with porn addiction.
This made me really curious. What constitutes porn for women? It can’t be the same stuff guys like because the stuff guys like is misogynistic, devoid of emotion, and completely out of touch with reality. So I did some homework, adjusted my Netflix queue, and finally viewed some hardcore XXX women’s pornography last night.
I didn’t care for it. New Moon was rife with terrible acting, even more terrible special FX, it was super boring, it didn’t even make sense, and there wasn’t nearly enough sequences of vampires playing baseball. All and all, I give it six thumbs down.
Maybe I have to give the benefit of the doubt that the Twilight books are vastly superior to the films because it’s pretty much impossible to mess up the source material. Who doesn’t love vampires? They are attractive, possess superhuman abilities, they party all night, and they live forever. I get it. That’s cool.
I just can’t understand the appeal these particular movies have on teenage girls, their moms, and not teenage girls. Approximately 50% of the running time was devoted to people soulfully staring into each other’s eyes, another 40% was devoted to dudes not wearing shirts, and the rest was tensionless scenes of CGI cartoons fighting each other.
And why does everyone like Bella so much!? Sure, I wouldn’t kick Kristen Stewart out of bed, but it’s perplexing why everyone fusses about her so much. Her character’s total lack of charm and charisma is like a black hole in the center of the screen, she just sucks the fun right out of the room.
To me, all this sounds like a recipe for disaster but the numbers at the box office prove otherwise. I guess women’s porn is here to stay. When I complete my script for Jumping the Shark, I will be sure to incorporate a scene where a character stares out the window and emotes for ten minutes, in order to appeal to the ladies.
Oh snap, I just had a better idea. I’ll cast that tool Justin Bieber as a shirtless, singing vampire, and have him in there for some reason for ten minutes. Damn I should have been a producer! That, my friends, is what you call box office gold.
"Hey, want to go tanning?" Nope. "Want to smile at any point during this movie" Nope. "Want to keep staring at each other" Yep.
This made me really curious. What constitutes porn for women? It can’t be the same stuff guys like because the stuff guys like is misogynistic, devoid of emotion, and completely out of touch with reality. So I did some homework, adjusted my Netflix queue, and finally viewed some hardcore XXX women’s pornography last night.
I didn’t care for it. New Moon was rife with terrible acting, even more terrible special FX, it was super boring, it didn’t even make sense, and there wasn’t nearly enough sequences of vampires playing baseball. All and all, I give it six thumbs down.
Maybe I have to give the benefit of the doubt that the Twilight books are vastly superior to the films because it’s pretty much impossible to mess up the source material. Who doesn’t love vampires? They are attractive, possess superhuman abilities, they party all night, and they live forever. I get it. That’s cool.
I just can’t understand the appeal these particular movies have on teenage girls, their moms, and not teenage girls. Approximately 50% of the running time was devoted to people soulfully staring into each other’s eyes, another 40% was devoted to dudes not wearing shirts, and the rest was tensionless scenes of CGI cartoons fighting each other.
And why does everyone like Bella so much!? Sure, I wouldn’t kick Kristen Stewart out of bed, but it’s perplexing why everyone fusses about her so much. Her character’s total lack of charm and charisma is like a black hole in the center of the screen, she just sucks the fun right out of the room.
To me, all this sounds like a recipe for disaster but the numbers at the box office prove otherwise. I guess women’s porn is here to stay. When I complete my script for Jumping the Shark, I will be sure to incorporate a scene where a character stares out the window and emotes for ten minutes, in order to appeal to the ladies.
Oh snap, I just had a better idea. I’ll cast that tool Justin Bieber as a shirtless, singing vampire, and have him in there for some reason for ten minutes. Damn I should have been a producer! That, my friends, is what you call box office gold.
"Hey, want to go tanning?" Nope. "Want to smile at any point during this movie" Nope. "Want to keep staring at each other" Yep.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Conservative Talk AM Radio Versus Fingernails On A Chalkboard?
Do you ever get that feeling of dread right before going on a car trip with your dad because you know you’re about to get your ears blasted by full volume conservative talk AM radio when he starts the car?
I do. Like touching a doorknob on a dry winter day, you’re going to get jolted and there’s nothing you can do about it.
And I’m conservative too which is the weird thing. I can’t tell if its that low quality, tinny sound with the random pops and zaps that drives me nuts or just the fact that all conservative talk show hosts are obnoxious and rarely offer any real solutions and they are an embarrassment to rational conservatives everywhere.
Take for instance, that clown Michael Savage. My Dad and I drove up to Lakewood this last weekend and for a good hour, he rambled off crazy left-wing conspiracies off the internet on the cause of the current oil rig disaster off the gulf coast. First it was the environmentalists that sabotaged the rig. Then it was a North Korean mini-sub. Then it was Chinese ninjas or some shit.
And ALL of them were related to Barrack Obama somehow. Obama could cut taxes to zero % and declare a national holiday “Everyone Gets A Gun – You’re Welcome America Day” and those AM hypocrites would still find a reason to complain about him.
Sure, I’m up for a frank and honest discussion if Obama is leveraging our country to the hilt or severely screwing up our healthcare system but I don’t want to hear childish name calling and mindless rhetoric. I would even consider joining one of those Tea Party events if I wasn’t so afraid a Klan rally would break out immediately afterwards. But AM conservative talk radio is pollution and I can’t stand it.
The realization of my hatred for loud conservative AM talk radio made me happy because I realized that I am not as old as I thought. I know MTV doesn’t want me anymore but at least Rush Limbaugh doesn’t want me either.
That was the best age-related revelation I’ve had since I realized my own mortality back in the summer of 2007 when I saw the movie Sunshine in theaters. Man, you should of my heard my inner monologue during that particular screening, whew! Maybe for another post.
In the meantime, I’m going to keep on be-bopping away to pop music when I ride to work in the morning and continue my search to find ever elusive ways to insert monetary symbols into my name like Ke$ha.
I do. Like touching a doorknob on a dry winter day, you’re going to get jolted and there’s nothing you can do about it.
And I’m conservative too which is the weird thing. I can’t tell if its that low quality, tinny sound with the random pops and zaps that drives me nuts or just the fact that all conservative talk show hosts are obnoxious and rarely offer any real solutions and they are an embarrassment to rational conservatives everywhere.
Take for instance, that clown Michael Savage. My Dad and I drove up to Lakewood this last weekend and for a good hour, he rambled off crazy left-wing conspiracies off the internet on the cause of the current oil rig disaster off the gulf coast. First it was the environmentalists that sabotaged the rig. Then it was a North Korean mini-sub. Then it was Chinese ninjas or some shit.
And ALL of them were related to Barrack Obama somehow. Obama could cut taxes to zero % and declare a national holiday “Everyone Gets A Gun – You’re Welcome America Day” and those AM hypocrites would still find a reason to complain about him.
Sure, I’m up for a frank and honest discussion if Obama is leveraging our country to the hilt or severely screwing up our healthcare system but I don’t want to hear childish name calling and mindless rhetoric. I would even consider joining one of those Tea Party events if I wasn’t so afraid a Klan rally would break out immediately afterwards. But AM conservative talk radio is pollution and I can’t stand it.
The realization of my hatred for loud conservative AM talk radio made me happy because I realized that I am not as old as I thought. I know MTV doesn’t want me anymore but at least Rush Limbaugh doesn’t want me either.
That was the best age-related revelation I’ve had since I realized my own mortality back in the summer of 2007 when I saw the movie Sunshine in theaters. Man, you should of my heard my inner monologue during that particular screening, whew! Maybe for another post.
In the meantime, I’m going to keep on be-bopping away to pop music when I ride to work in the morning and continue my search to find ever elusive ways to insert monetary symbols into my name like Ke$ha.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Meat Is The New Bread!
Spring is here and the first day that is warm enough to walk around outside shirtless also commemorates the first day of working out season for me. But because of the shitty hours of my job, working out for me now entails eating less, which frankly is not very fun and but then again, neither is lifting weights.
So I’ve been eating like a damn rabbit on the weekdays of late but during the weekends I like to really cut loose in order to keep my sanity. This last weekend I got a little weird, a little wild, and ordered that quaint little delicacy they serve at the venerable KFC, you may know it as the Double Down.
I can’t explain my fascination with this sandwich. I keep thinking of some worldly foreign traveler coming to vacation in the States with an open mind, thinking the rumors can’t be true, Americans can’t all be a bunch of fat asses, and then seeing a commercial on TV promoting strips of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered in mayonnaise special sauce between two fried chicken patties and thinking Oh. My. God.
I’m not one to criticize something before trying it with the exception of shooting heroin and watching The Hills so I bought one on Sunday. Here it is.
I think it would have tasted better had I been wearing a ratty wife beater with barbecue sauce stains on it. You know, to set the mood. But in general, it was greasy, bland, it has scary mystery sauces, it was not that big for five bucks, and the guilt of eating the thing was just not worth the price of admission. Time to go back to the drawing board, Colonel Sanders.
The overall verdict?
While we’re reviewing fast food fare, I also got one of those new mochas at McDonalds. Also not good. This is going to sound crazy but it was just too cold. It hurt my teeth. What the hell is that about? And too sweet. Every sip felt like a freshly poured coca cola on a rusty nail. Starbucks, you got nothing to worry about.
And since I have no shame, I also tried that new western egg white omelette breakfast sandwich at Subway. It was good especially because you can get it on their flatbread, which tastes awesome. The downside is that you are eating at Subway, so you know you are going to be hungry again in about 45 minutes because the content and quality of their food, as we all know, is garbage. Don’t get the hash browns either, they are a joke.
So I’ve been eating like a damn rabbit on the weekdays of late but during the weekends I like to really cut loose in order to keep my sanity. This last weekend I got a little weird, a little wild, and ordered that quaint little delicacy they serve at the venerable KFC, you may know it as the Double Down.
I can’t explain my fascination with this sandwich. I keep thinking of some worldly foreign traveler coming to vacation in the States with an open mind, thinking the rumors can’t be true, Americans can’t all be a bunch of fat asses, and then seeing a commercial on TV promoting strips of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered in mayonnaise special sauce between two fried chicken patties and thinking Oh. My. God.
I’m not one to criticize something before trying it with the exception of shooting heroin and watching The Hills so I bought one on Sunday. Here it is.
I think it would have tasted better had I been wearing a ratty wife beater with barbecue sauce stains on it. You know, to set the mood. But in general, it was greasy, bland, it has scary mystery sauces, it was not that big for five bucks, and the guilt of eating the thing was just not worth the price of admission. Time to go back to the drawing board, Colonel Sanders.
The overall verdict?
While we’re reviewing fast food fare, I also got one of those new mochas at McDonalds. Also not good. This is going to sound crazy but it was just too cold. It hurt my teeth. What the hell is that about? And too sweet. Every sip felt like a freshly poured coca cola on a rusty nail. Starbucks, you got nothing to worry about.
And since I have no shame, I also tried that new western egg white omelette breakfast sandwich at Subway. It was good especially because you can get it on their flatbread, which tastes awesome. The downside is that you are eating at Subway, so you know you are going to be hungry again in about 45 minutes because the content and quality of their food, as we all know, is garbage. Don’t get the hash browns either, they are a joke.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Back to Blogging...Let's form a Poker Club.
Hey. I’m back. Sorry for the delay, I was interviewing for this really sweet job these past few months with this long and painfully drawn out interview process so I temporarily shut down Brain Litter in case some HR people decided to google my ass. I couldn’t take any chances losing out on my dream job because of my fondness for ranting about fast food and shit that happened to me in middle school.
But I don’t think I got the job so sucks for me. Well I don’t know for sure actually but my buddy got invited for a 2nd interview last Friday and I got no call back so I’m only 99% certain that I am totally f’d. I wish they would have the decency to tell me though. If I didn’t know my buddy got a call back, I would still be sweating this thing out.
So now I am stuck being a commercial appraiser for a time being. For those of you who don’t what an appraiser is, we are the culprits behind the economic collapse and subsequent recession we are experiencing right now. You see, we’re the assholes who valued all the real estate out there WAAAAAYYYYYY higher than it ought to be and thus got everyone loans for stuff way beyond the true value of the actual asset.
Well the bankers should have known better than to trust our bullshit reports…and the consumers should have known better for taking out loans they knew they couldn’t handle….and Wall Street had something to do with it too because everybody hates Wall Street. The institution, not the Oliver Stone flick, which rocks. I guess we should all be giving ourselves a big pat on the back for the fine mess we created.
Anyways, I’m back to blogging again so at least I got that going for me. And I’ve got really long eye lashes soooooooo BOOYAH!
Now that I am going to be in Green Bay for the foreseeable future and because summer is almost here, I would like to do the following things regularly:
1. Play Kickball
2. Play Volleyball
3. Play Tennis
4. Play Softball
5. Play Golf
6. Play Disk Golf
7. Play Poker
If anyone has a team out there, I would like to be on it. Or if anyone has interest in forming a team, let me know and I will start one. Or if anyone needs an opponent, l will play you. Seriously, I’d like to get a weekly thing going, summer is short and I like to be outdoors. More to come on these things as I research them.
My top priority is forming a Poker club that meets once a month like my dad’s club that has been meeting regularly for at least 20 years. For those of you interested, keep reading, otherwise, I’ll blog about something funny really soon….like that new Double Down monstrosity at KFC. That thing needed to get blogged about asap.
This was pasted in a mass email I sent out on facebook:
I would like to gauge interest in a potential poker club that meets once a month. I am currently in a club with my dad and his friends and they have a great system that I would like to expand on. Below would be the general guidelines to get the ball rolling. Let me know if you are interested or if you know anyone who might be interested.
• Ideally looking for 8 – 10 dudes that could meet once a month at a set time, say 6:30 to 11:30 the first Thursday of every month unless agreed upon otherwise.
• A different member would host the club every month.
• We would play Hi/Lo limit games that would include Omaha, Hold’ Em, Criss Cross, and other variants of the above games, that way we can accommodate up to 10 people and there would be lots of table action. Most likely we would have 8 people playing because there will likely be no-shows in any given month. No wild card bullshit.
• The stakes would be $1 betting with a 4 raise limit per betting round up until a certain time, say 9:00, and then increase the stakes to an optional $1-2 bet (dealers choice) with a 4 raise limit per betting round. I am open to different stakes if this sounds too high.
• Most pots will average between $15 and $40 dollars (and that would be split between high and low hands)
• With these stakes, the most you could generally lose in a given night is between $50-$100 based on my experience in my dad’s club, conversely that’s what you could generally win too.
• The host will provide food for the group up to $20 (frozen pizza, subs, hot dogs, snacks, whatever), which will be reimbursed that same night through a $1 rake on pots with an odd amount of money in it i.e. if there is a $25 pot, the high hand gets $12, the low hand gets $12, the host gets $1 up to $20. Essentially the winners of the evening pay for the food so you always get a little something for your money.
• BYOB
• That’s basically it, we can discuss more guidelines we want to make for ourselves the first time we play. I will host the first night.
But I don’t think I got the job so sucks for me. Well I don’t know for sure actually but my buddy got invited for a 2nd interview last Friday and I got no call back so I’m only 99% certain that I am totally f’d. I wish they would have the decency to tell me though. If I didn’t know my buddy got a call back, I would still be sweating this thing out.
So now I am stuck being a commercial appraiser for a time being. For those of you who don’t what an appraiser is, we are the culprits behind the economic collapse and subsequent recession we are experiencing right now. You see, we’re the assholes who valued all the real estate out there WAAAAAYYYYYY higher than it ought to be and thus got everyone loans for stuff way beyond the true value of the actual asset.
Well the bankers should have known better than to trust our bullshit reports…and the consumers should have known better for taking out loans they knew they couldn’t handle….and Wall Street had something to do with it too because everybody hates Wall Street. The institution, not the Oliver Stone flick, which rocks. I guess we should all be giving ourselves a big pat on the back for the fine mess we created.
Anyways, I’m back to blogging again so at least I got that going for me. And I’ve got really long eye lashes soooooooo BOOYAH!
Now that I am going to be in Green Bay for the foreseeable future and because summer is almost here, I would like to do the following things regularly:
1. Play Kickball
2. Play Volleyball
3. Play Tennis
4. Play Softball
5. Play Golf
6. Play Disk Golf
7. Play Poker
If anyone has a team out there, I would like to be on it. Or if anyone has interest in forming a team, let me know and I will start one. Or if anyone needs an opponent, l will play you. Seriously, I’d like to get a weekly thing going, summer is short and I like to be outdoors. More to come on these things as I research them.
My top priority is forming a Poker club that meets once a month like my dad’s club that has been meeting regularly for at least 20 years. For those of you interested, keep reading, otherwise, I’ll blog about something funny really soon….like that new Double Down monstrosity at KFC. That thing needed to get blogged about asap.
This was pasted in a mass email I sent out on facebook:
I would like to gauge interest in a potential poker club that meets once a month. I am currently in a club with my dad and his friends and they have a great system that I would like to expand on. Below would be the general guidelines to get the ball rolling. Let me know if you are interested or if you know anyone who might be interested.
• Ideally looking for 8 – 10 dudes that could meet once a month at a set time, say 6:30 to 11:30 the first Thursday of every month unless agreed upon otherwise.
• A different member would host the club every month.
• We would play Hi/Lo limit games that would include Omaha, Hold’ Em, Criss Cross, and other variants of the above games, that way we can accommodate up to 10 people and there would be lots of table action. Most likely we would have 8 people playing because there will likely be no-shows in any given month. No wild card bullshit.
• The stakes would be $1 betting with a 4 raise limit per betting round up until a certain time, say 9:00, and then increase the stakes to an optional $1-2 bet (dealers choice) with a 4 raise limit per betting round. I am open to different stakes if this sounds too high.
• Most pots will average between $15 and $40 dollars (and that would be split between high and low hands)
• With these stakes, the most you could generally lose in a given night is between $50-$100 based on my experience in my dad’s club, conversely that’s what you could generally win too.
• The host will provide food for the group up to $20 (frozen pizza, subs, hot dogs, snacks, whatever), which will be reimbursed that same night through a $1 rake on pots with an odd amount of money in it i.e. if there is a $25 pot, the high hand gets $12, the low hand gets $12, the host gets $1 up to $20. Essentially the winners of the evening pay for the food so you always get a little something for your money.
• BYOB
• That’s basically it, we can discuss more guidelines we want to make for ourselves the first time we play. I will host the first night.
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