Finally! Someone has invented a way for me to network without physically having to meet people or make any kind of verbal communication whatsoever. Woo Hoo!
Every once in awhile someone comes along and coins a new word and that word becomes the cool new buzz word of the week. I’ve always wanted to be one of those word inventing guys in the worst way. I almost got one started once with the word taut as in “the cargo net was difficult to climb because the ropes were not taut” in a fashion such as “that club was really cool, I mean it was seriously taut, man.”
I got a couple of my friends to use taut in a sentence once but I think I they were only humoring me. They probably remembered the fact that I was raised by a loving upper middle class family in an affluent suburb and not a superstar rapper from the streets of Compton and therefore had no chance inserting hip hop type language into mainstream pop culture. My friends are quite astute, I’ll give them that.
I got a new word though and I think it might catch on. It’s clearly a derivative from the oh-so popular metrosexual but at least the connotations to the trendy stereotype will make it easier to understand. The word I invented is netrosexual.
A netrosexual is someone who became addicted and now almost exclusively meets and communicates with people through Internet social networking type sites, most notably Facebook, but also includes MySpace, Hot or Not, Friendster, etc. They have hundreds of random friends who in turn have hundreds of random friends, which ultimately means that tens of thousands of total strangers have unlimited access to incriminating photos, gossip from your friends, and almost every conceivable way to contact you. Doesn’t THAT make you feel safe when you sleep at night!?
I happen to be a huge proponent of the netrosexual revolution and have whole-heartedly embraced this new technology the day I was introduced to it. I use Facebook for e-mail, keeping in touch with friends out of town, and generating traffic for this blog. Where Facebook has really enriched my life though, is that it has made it SO much easier for me to stalk people. No more sneaking off like a specter in the middle night to peep into windows for me!
Okay, that may be a stretch, but seriously, some people put a little TOO much in their profiles. I’ve run into some pictures of girls on Spring Break that are clearly getting back at their daddies for some kind of neglect in their childhood. It’s a good thing I’m only having sons when I get married.
But back to the stalking thing, I really wish Facebook offered more options for the relationship section in the personal profile. It’s nice that you can see what kind of douchebag a chick is dating but it doesn’t give you any idea what the status of that relationship is. Is the flame still strong, is it faltering, is she just waiting for someone better to come along, what’s the deal? Some kind of numeric scale would be nice. I could then input the status of a relationship in an Excel spreadsheet so I could track future trends and maybe plan a weekend around a projected rebound.
How awesome would it be to know the exact probability of getting ass on a given night? Over 50%? Sweet! I’ll wear my clean boxers tonight!
I feel it is just a matter of time before EVERYONE knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE at ANY given moment. Although sarcasm is my specialty, lying is not, so I’m okay with this new world of ours where everything is transparent. Life could be a lot a worse for the netrosexual that I am. I love Big Brother..err…I mean Facebook.
I just hope no one invents a way to electronically break into houses in order to stare at people asleep in their beds for hours at a time. That would REALLY cramp my weekdays…
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